Wednesday's Children
by MissAdds
Summary: What if the episode Wednesday's Child had ended differently and Olivia got BOTH of the things she wanted?
1. Chapter 1

_*__Author's Note__: I know more babies and Bensidy, but I'm hoping you guys will enjoy it. As far as my other story is concerned, it isn't finished, but as I am having serious writer's block, I'm putting in hold for a while. So enjoy this new story for now!*_

There had been plenty of children; plenty of children who had been left or abused by their parents and taken away. She had seen many a kid be put into foster care. But this time, this time it was very different for more than one reason.

Detective Olivia Benson left the family court house at an all new level of distraction. Everything that had happened within in the last few days flooded her thoughts, leaving room for nothing but babies, a negative pregnancy, and disappointment.

The case she had just closed had affected her more than usual. While on the hunt for a young boy given away by his own mother, Olivia had come across "baby doe", an almost 3 month old baby boy taken by the same two abductors from her current case. The moment she had laid eyes on the little boy, she could think of nothing else. 

Making matters worse and increasing the thoughts of babies she had on her brain, was an event earlier in the week. Although her and Brian had been together for almost a year now, the topic of children hadn't really come up. They were both older and dedicated to demanding jobs, it wasn't like they were in the ideal situation to be bringing a child into the world. But that all changed, when Olivia thought she was pregnant. She had been about a week late and for three days straight she had woken up sick to her stomach. It had turned out, though, much to Benson's dismay, that she wasn't pregnant. And although she would never admit it to Brian, she did admit to her therapist, Dr. Lindstrom, how much it really did upset her that it was another missed opportunity to be a mother. A role Olivia had wished to fill for many years.

So upon seeing "baby doe", it was obvious that it affected her; that two criminals, who abducted children and were involved in child pornography, had gotten so lucky to have this beautiful little boy in their lives. It disgusted and aggravated the seasoned detective.

But now, after sitting in a court room for an hour and explaining herself to a family court judge that nobody had claimed the baby, that she felt the opportunity of motherhood was once again in view for Olivia.

The baby had been placed in foster care, in a home ran by the government, where he would stay until some foster family would be willing to take him. He would be passed around from home to home, no guarantee that he would be treated well, and not guaranteed that anyone would ever truly add him as an addition to their family. That was where Olivia felt she could change the course of the little boy's life. She felt she could be the person to take him on, to love him, and she would finally be momma Benson.

Except, she had to consider the other person in her equation, Brian. She couldn't just come home tonight and tell him they were going to adopt a child. He had been relieved when she told him the pregnancy test had been negative, no way would he agree to adopt a baby Olivia had come across during a case.

Yet, it was the words of advice that had come from her former captain, Donald Cragen, which made her consider bringing up the subject. "Take care of yourself." He had said to her. And he didn't just mean staying healthy, he meant do things for herself, do what she wanted to do, do things outside of the walls of the 16th precinct. The man himself had never had a wife or family and that was something he had never wanted Liv to experience. He wanted her to have a life outside of her job and she wanted that for herself as well.

Her whole drive from the courthouse to her apartment was filled with trying to work up the courage to talk to Brian. If he was home, she was going to explain what she thought to him. He needed to know, he needed to be aware of how badly she wanted this and how badly she wanted him to want it as well.

She pulled into her designated spot in the parking garage, Brian's care sitting in the slot next to her signifying he was indeed home. She felt nauseas about what she was going to do, but it was now or never. She was done waiting for everyone else to be ready, for everyone else to accept what she wanted. This is what she wanted and she was going to fight for it.

Upon entering the apartment, she found Brian in the kitchen, reheating leftovers from the previous night. He looked up from the counter where his plate sat, smiling at his girlfriend. "Hey, babe." He met her halfway giving her a small kiss, before heading back to his meal.

"I'm going to go change." It was all Olivia could spit out before retreating to the bedroom, removing her work clothes and changing into yoga pants and a t-shirt.

She threw her dirty clothes in the hamper and went into the bathroom. She stood in front of the mirror, staring at her reflection, thinking to herself _you can do this, it's just a simple conversation. _But it was so much more than a conversation, it was something that could change her life, something she hoped would change her life.

Without any more hesitation, she left the bathroom and bedroom and headed back into the kitchen and living room. Brian had moved to the couch where he sat watching ESPN.

Olivia took a seat next to him. She took a deep breath, before saying, "Brian there's something I want to talk to you about."

He looked at her, a confused expression on his face. Whenever she started a conversation this way it was usually something considerably serious. "Okay. Is something wrong?"

"Nothing is really wrong. I just want to know why you were so relieved that I wasn't pregnant?" She would start by getting his feelings on the whole baby thing.

"Liv, to we really need to discuss that?" Brian sighed.

"Yeah, we do. I would really like to know." Olivia was not allowing him to avoid the topic. She wanted to know and she was going to find out.

"Fine. And I wouldn't say I was overly relieved. Yes, I was relieved, but I was kind of disappointed, too, even though you don't think I was." Brian looked at Olivia, who didn't say anything, urging him to continue. "I think a bay would have been great and I know we would have handled it no matter what the outcome of that test was, but it's so hard to think about having a baby right now. Neither of us are particularly spring chickens and I just got my shield back and you just got promoted. Everything has been chaos these last few months. Both of us spend more time at the precincts than we spend at home. I want kids Liv I do, but I don't know that there will ever be a good time for us."

Olivia knew every point he had made was valid, but it still upset her that he didn't feel they were a strong enough people or a strong enough couple to handle a baby. "So, you wouldn't have been upset if I was pregnant?" Liv questioned.

"No, I probably would have been ecstatic. Eventually it would have sunk in and I would have been worried about it. But if you told me you were pregnant, I would have been pretty damn excited."

His last sentence gave Liv some hope. He would have been happy. She understood the worries, they were the same worries she herself had, but he would have been happy. "Well, I'm glad you didn't just feel relieved. But there is something that came up with my case today. And you are going to think I'm absolutely crazy, because this is exactly what you just told me we weren't ready for. But there was a baby, we found him with the other kids. Nobody claimed him and he got put into foster care today."

"Are you really suggesting what I think you're suggesting?" Brian knew what was coming.

"Yeah I am. Because I know you think we aren't ready and we have other things going on, but if this is really something we want to do then we need to do it. You said it yourself, we aren't getting any younger. And obviously we won't be having our own children. This baby need someone, he need parents." Olivia argued.

"Are you even thinking through how much work that would, how much we would be taking on?" Brian asked her.

"Seriously, Brian? I know what comes with having a child. I understand that. But what if this is the only opportunity we ever get. I'm not letting this slip away from me. Maybe you don't want to do it, but I will figure out how to do it on my own because this is something I truly want." Olivia stood up and left Brian sitting alone in the living room.

Olivia didn't even bother to turn on the light she just slipped right into bed, not wanting to bother with anything else.

Not even five minutes after she had left him alone, Brian came into the bedroom, sitting on the edge near Olivia's feet.

"I'm not going to have you be mad at me over this. I know what this means to you. Just the way you talk about, makes it obvious you really want this." Brian looked at Liv.

"I do. I want this so bad, Bri." Olivia told him.

"I know you do. And I don't want to stand in your way, in our way. But really? You think this is what we should be doing right now?" Brian just wasn't completely convinced they could handle this.

"No, I don't know for sure that this is what we should be doing. But I would really like to find out. I think we can do this and I want, more than anything, for us to try. I mean we don't even know if he'll be placed with us or if we will get him." Olivia sat up next to Brian.

"Fine, go talk to whoever you need to talk to in the morning. I'm not totally sure about this, but I will try for you."

Olivia was shocked that Brian had somewhat agreed. But it made her incredibly happy to have this opportunity.


	2. Chapter 2

*_Author's Note: Someone pointed out to me that Olivia is a sergeant now and not a detective. So, I am sorry for that mistake. I still do view her as a detective as well as a sergeant because she is still involved in the whole process of a case, but I will try to use the right title.*_

The next month for Olivia was filled with appointments with Children's services, questioning, and home visits.

Olivia and Brian had gone to a couple meetings at the children's services office. One had been a general meeting of the potential parents and going over the protocol of adopting from the foster care system. The second had been filled with paperwork, all about themselves, their careers, and their relationship status, every little thing about themselves, salary, normal work hours, and colleagues. It was almost ridiculous how much they needed to know about the couple, but they both also knew that all the information was necessary. The only thing they had been able to skip was the background checks, as their careers were background checks enough.

Even on top of all the paperwork containing just about everything there was to know about Brian and Liv, they both had to be questioned separately by an authorized psychologist to make sure they were stable and could be deemed worthy of being parents. The questioning had been Olivia's biggest worry. She knew that both she and Brian had been through a lot in the last year and although both of them had taken care of themselves, she was scared of old wounds being revealed to the psychologist. Thankfully, though, both she and Brian had been cleared.

The last part of the process was a home visit. Two children's services agents had come to Liv and Brian's apartment. It was too make sure the environment was safe for both the parents and the child. They made sure the home was in a decent neighborhood and there would be enough room for a child. This part, as far as Olivia and Brian were concerned, was the easiest part. With having just moved into a much larger apartment together only 6 months ago, there was plenty of room for the baby, with the spare bedroom that wasn't in use as of right now.

The waiting after all the hoops had been jumped through was the most agonizing for Olivia. Brian was constantly reassuring her that they would be fine and the baby would be there's. But she knew that there would be some things that may stop children's services. First of all, they knew about Olivia's prior attack by William Lewis. She worked through that attack with months of therapy, therapy she was still taking part in. But even with assuring the psychologist, Olivia wasn't sure that they had believed her. The other major issue was Liv and Brian's relationship status. They weren't married and that brought up red flags with children's services. So all Olivia, and Brian who was also a little worried, could do was hope for the best.

During the waiting period, Olivia had been working as much as possible to keep her mind off everything. There were a few small cases that had come into SVU and Olivia worked on all of them, putting in as much time as she could get from them.

But it was hard not to think about something that was could end up being incredibly life changing.

On top of everything else, Olivia had been feeling pretty crappy. She had been really nauseas frequently and dizzy most mornings when she woke up. She just figured it was from stress and being so busy she was never eating regularly or staying hydrated. There were more important things in her life at the moment that she was dealing with.

And with that and everything else happening, Olivia was looking forward to her weekly session with Dr. Lindstrom.

The detective sat in the black chair in the office of her therapist. They had just started her session and with everything he knew Olivia was dealing with, Dr. Lindstrom wasted no time diving into the adoption.

"Have you heard anything yet?" He questioned.

"Nothing, but it was only a week ago tomorrow and they told us it could be up to two weeks before they finish reviewing and decide. But I hate this waiting game."

"I know you do. How is Brian handling it?" Dr. Lindstrom was also well aware of her boyfriend's hesitation.

"He's definitely better than I am. He's still a little nervous about it, he would never admit it, but I can tell. He has been pretty good though about being there for me. I feel like as more days pass he's starting to really open up to the idea and seems to be more ready for all of this." Olivia replied.

"That's good. I do have to ask you though, have either of you discussed what you would do if you don't get the baby?" The doctor wanted to make sure Olivia was prepared for the worst and the best.

Olivia scoffed slightly. "Do we really need to talk about that now?" Even though she knew that was always a possibility. She didn't want to think about worst case scenario yet. She wanted a little time to keep her hope up.

"I know you don't want to think about it, but I want you to be ready if it doesn't happen exactly how you want it to." Dr. Lindstrom explained.

"I'm sure it won't be too good. I feel like if this doesn't happen the kid thing is never going to happen. Because I'm sure both of us will be defeated and Brian will just give up at that point. I feel like this is my one chance and if it doesn't work then it's never happening."

"Because Brian won't want to try again?" Dr. Lindstrom urged her to continue.

Olivia sighed. "I don't think he will. It would be so much easier if we were trying to get pregnant, which will never happen, either. But at least that way we would have control, we wouldn't be counting on anyone else. I think that's the hardest part for both of us. We know what we want but we can't give it to ourselves. We're depending on someone else." Olivia admitted. It always felt good to get her real feelings off her chest, to allow someone to know how she was really feeling instead of bottling it all up.

The rest of the session was spent talking about other things, like work and how Olivia was feeling about being sergeant, as well as her nightmares and flashbacks from her ordeal with Lewis. It was the usual things they discussed, nothing new or all that relevant compared to the topic of adoption.

By the time she finished, Olivia got home at about seven; surprised that Brian was already at home and in the kitchen making dinner.

"Hey." He greeted her as she walked into the kitchen, seeing what was being made for her next meal.

"Hey." She gave him a quick kiss before retreating to the bedroom to change out of her slacks and blazer into something more comfortable. She came back out into the kitchen a few minutes later, work clothes now replaced with yoga pants and a sweatshirt.

Olivia got her and Brian a glass of wine and sat down at the kitchen island as Brian dished up their meal.

The couple was making small talk, the usual how was your day, how are your cases, and eating and drinking, when Olivia's phone rang.

She got up from her seat and went to her purse she had left sitting on the floor underneath the coat hangers in the entry way. She quickly found it in the disaster she called a purse and picked it up just in time.

"Hello." She answered.

"Hi, Olivia." Not having paid attention to the caller I.D. before she answered, Olivia was surprised to hear the voice of the children's services woman they had been dealing with throughout their process. "I was just calling you regarding the adoption."

Olivia's heart began to race. She didn't think they would hear anything so soon. She didn't know how this call would go or what was going to be said to her the next few sentences. This could be it; this could be what she had been waiting for. "Oh, okay." Olivia took a deep breath trying to calm herself.

"I just wanted to set up an appointment for you guys to fill out the last of your necessary paperwork and pick up your son." The woman said it so casually, like telling someone they were going to be parents was a normal, everyday thing.

It took Olivia a moment to realize what she had been told. She couldn't believe what she had been told, she was shocked. "Are you serious?" Olivia questioned her, wanting to make sure she was positive.

"Absolutely serious. Any day this coming week would be great for you and Brian to come in." The woman said calmly.

"Okay, umm, next Friday would be perfect. Does that work?" Olivia asked.

"That's great. How about three o'clock?"

"Yeah, that's perfect. Thank you." Olivia told her.

"Great see you then. And congratulations." The woman said sincerely before hanging up.

Olivia moved from her phone from her ear and put it back in her purse. She stood in the apartment entry way for a few minutes, too shocked to move and too shocked to say anything.

When she finally came back to reality, she slowly made her way back to the kitchen where Brian sat finishing his dinner.

"Who was that?" Brian asked his obviously distracted girlfriend.

"He's ours." Was all Olivia could get out.

"What do you mean… wait, are you saying what I think you're saying?" Brian got up from his seat and stood in front of Olivia looking into her eyes.

All she could do was nod.

"That's great. This is so great!" Brian kissed Olivia.

When Brian pulled away he couldn't say anything either, both of them stunned into silence at the idea that they were going to parents.


	3. Chapter 3

The week leading up to picking up their soon to be son, was one of the longest and busiest weeks of Olivia's life.

Of course, SVU had gotten hit with a big case that involved four girls being raped within 48 hours of each other by, who was supposedly, the same attacker. All of the energy from each of the detectives had been put into finding the man before he harmed another girl. And they had found him, had him identified by all four victims, and arraigned him. But to do so, it required all of the detectives to be at precinct for 24 hours straight, leaving all of them exhausted and still needing to fill out all the paperwork from this case and the previous cases that had been neglected during their search.

With all the time and crazy hours spent at the precinct, Olivia had no time at home and no time to prepare for the baby, which was a great stress, on top of everything else that was already going on.

They had absolutely nothing ready. They had no crib, no bassinet, no bottles, no formula, no clothes, no blankets, absolutely nothing. Olivia had hoped that they would have a slow week at work, so she could get out during lunch and leave early to run errands and get everything they needed. But obviously that hadn't happened and she was overwhelmed by everything she had to get done.

The one thing they did have ready though, was a name. Because he was "Baby Doe", the parents got to choose his legal name, which Olivia thought was great. She felt like her and Brian being able to pick his name would make them feel like he was theirs, even more than he already would be.

It was Wednesday night when they finally caught the perpetrator, which left Olivia, with Thursday after work and Friday during lunch to get everything ready, which was in no way enough time to do everything. So it would have to be sufficient enough to at least get the essentials done.

On Thursday, after spending the day up to her neck in paperwork, Olivia went home, got changed, and met Brian at a baby store that had been recommended by Nick.

They were able to get a few major necessities while they were there. They got a crib, because they were lucky enough to have the one Olivia had been looking at online, they picked up a car seat and ordered the stroller. They also picked up the simple things like bottles, diapers, burb rags, a couple blankets, and two pacifiers, just enough to last them for a couple weeks, until the new parents would get the chance to do some more shopping.

After getting back home that Thursday night was spent setting up the car seat in the car and putting together the crib, both tasks were more difficult than either Brian or Olivia though it would be.

While the car seat had taken a good half an hour to put together, the crib had taken nearly two hours to get put up.

Brian wasn't much of a handyman, Olivia was soon learning and she herself wasn't much better. So between the two of them it was lot of "_Are you sure that's the right piece?", "Maybe that's not where that goes.", "Just let me do it.", "You're not doing it right." _And so on and so forth, but eventually they finished, which was a great relief because that meant at least their son would have somewhere to sleep when he came home.

The following day, Olivia was still surrounded by paperwork at the precinct, but she had been able to get home during lunch to finish getting the bedding on the crib and get things like diapers and bottles out of their packaging and put away. She also went to the store to pick up food for dinner and get formula, probably the most important thing they had forgotten the night before.

The second half of her work day could not have gone any slower and she wasn't even there for the normal amount of time she usually was. But she was just so anxious and had so many things going through her mind that were keeping her preoccupied.

When she finally got off work, she went straight home to change into a nice pair of jeans, a long sleeve shirt, and her favorite pair of flats. She wanted to look good but not be totally dressed up in her work attire. When she was all ready, Brian come running in, throwing off his own work clothes and changing into something more casual.

The two quickly left the apartment, not wanting to be late. They didn't exchange too many words, as both could tell the other was nervous and anxious and a little bit excited.

They only sat in the lobby for maybe 5 minutes when they got to the children's service office, before they were taken back into a large office where their caseworker sat with the psychologist they had previously talked to. The group of people greeted one and other before getting down to business.

"So we'll start with the rest of the paperwork that needs to be finished. And then you guys will get to see your baby. Okay?" The children's services agent asked.

"Sounds good, let's get this show on the road." Olivia was surprised by Brian's enthusiastic response. She knew that he had been somewhat excited, but he had been trying to hide it.

They spent nearly an hour going over all the documents. There were plenty of things for them to sign, but they also had to go over what everything meant and what they were actually signing. Not that either Liv or Brian cared what they were signing, as long as they got to sign it, because that meant that they were one step closer to having custody of the baby.

After what was probably the longest hour of paperwork either cop had seen, it was finally done and they were finally getting to see the baby.

Shortly after the last paper was signed, the caseworker left, with the stack of documents. She returned moments later, this time the documents were replaced with a baby, Brian and Olivia's son.

Everything around the couple just stopped. They couldn't take their eyes off the wide-eyed baby in the woman's arms. He was even more adorable than Olivia remembered and he had grown substantially in the month's time since she had seen him.

Before Olivia could move to take the baby into her own arms, Brian moved quickly scooping up the alert baby into his arms, staring intently at his new son, taking in all his tiny little features, his small nose, soft pink bow lips, and his big soft brown eyes. The man couldn't believe that he was a parent now, a parent to the beautiful little boy he had in his hands.

Olivia came up next to him, placing her own eyes in the baby. It was a surreal moment. It was their first moment as a family and she had never felt so much love, for her son and for Brian.

"Do you guys have a name picked out?" The psychologist asked the parents.

They looked at each other for a moment, confirming their prior decision on what they were naming the baby boy.

Olivia nodded, looking up from the baby to the psychologist and caseworker. "Miles Andrew."

The name had been a much easier decision than Olivia thought it would be. Miles had been a name she always liked and when she suggested it to Brian, he had instantly taken a liking to it. And Andrew had been Brian's dad's name, so when he told Olivia he would like to use it as the middle name, she was all for a little family homage.

"That's really cute and I think it suits him." The caseworker told them.

"Thanks. I do to." Olivia looked back at the baby. He definitely looked like a Miles and she thought the name suited him perfectly. And the name made it all a little bit more real.

The couple stood silently for a while, just watching the baby take in his surroundings, studying his new parents, getting to know their faces. It was an incredible thing for the parents to watch their new son.

It was the children's service agent who finally broke the silence. "Everything is done. Everything that needed his legal name is all filled out. You are welcome to go home whenever you want."

Brian looked away from the baby for the first time since he had come into the room. "You ready to go?" He asked his girlfriend.

"Please." Olivia answered him, ready to go home with the baby and start getting settled. She just wanted to be able to hold him and relax in the comfort of their apartment. Olivia turned to the caseworker and psychologist. "Thank you so much for everything." She told them.

"Of course. Now take your son home." The caseworker directed her statement to both, Brian and Olivia.

"Thanks." Brian said as he slowly began to walk out of the office, careful of the baby in his arms. He headed back towards the lobby and through the doors out of the building, walking with Olivia at his side to the car.

Olivia watched as Brian carefully set the baby in the car seat in the middle of the back seat of their car. He fastened the buckles, making sure they were tight enough, and closed the door. Brian moved around the car into the driver's seat, as Olivia got into the passenger seat, looking behind her and checking the baby, before fastening her own seatbelt.

"We're taking our son home." Brian said, sounding like he was almost in disbelief.

"I know we are. This is crazy." Liv chuckled.

"Absolutely crazy." Brian stated before putting the car into reverse and backing out of their parking spot, headed for the apartment.


	4. Chapter 4

The first week at home with their son was hectic to say the least. It was basically organized chaos, but without the organizational aspect.

Their first weekend as a family had been spent mostly at home, with a few trips to out to run some errands. They were quickly finding out that they needed way more than three bottles in the house at a time because Miles really liked to eat. They also got the chance to outfit Miles in plenty of new clothes because he also liked to spit up and drool a little more often than his parents expected him to. They got lost of onesies, socks, and bibs, as well as enough outfits for him to wear a different one each day of the month.

The time at home had been quiet, as in not much in the way of infant cries, there was just a lot going on at all times. Miles was always eating or needed changing or just wanted attention, which between his mom and dad there was plenty of. They did, however try to keep him on the same schedule and keep everything happen at the same time, so that life at home could be a little more organized than it was.

Because of both Olivia and Brian taking off the whole weekend, to get Miles settled, they hadn't been able to take the whole following week off. So they rotated days at home depending on who needed to be where for whatever was necessary with work.

Olivia had been able to swing getting Monday off, even though she knew the paperwork was mounting at work without her there, but it was worth it to be able to spend the whole day with her son.

Miles had done really well with the change to being with Liv and Brian. He ate well, quite well actually. His sleep schedule was a little difficult for his parents. He was up about every three to four hours, needing to be fed or changed or both sometimes. Even when he was unhappy though, Miles didn't fuss much, only to the point of getting noticed by one of his parents and then he would easily stop crying and let himself be taken care of. He was happy most of the time and as he was beginning to feel really comfortable with Liv and Brian, he would smile anytime he saw them.

Tuesday had been mostly Brian's day with Miles, until late afternoon. Olivia got off a little early bringing her paperwork with her to do while she was at home after she put Miles to bed, so that Brian could put in a few hours in at work with IAB.

Wednesday Olivia got another day to be with the baby. It was a nice day out, a little cold, but not snowing or raining. With the decent weather, Liv decided to break in the new stroller that had been delivered the previous day. It was a nice jogging stroller that had the capacity to hold the car seat and would be able to hold Miles until he was at least four years old.

Their stroll through Central Park turned out to be a success. Miles didn't fuss at all while being strapped into the stroller and he had loved taking in some new surrounding and all the people and animals in the park. Olivia got an almost hour and half walk, including to and from the apartment, before Miles fell asleep and she decided it was time to head home.

Thursday, though, Olivia had to go back to work to handle a case that had come in that morning. She knew she was going to have to work both Thursday and part of Friday, but now with a new case that needed her attention she didn't know what her hours would be or how difficult the case may end up being.

On top of everything else that was happening at home, Olivia was still not feeling one hundred percent. She was still waking up sick and light headed, as well as eating very little because she was worried about keeping food down. Brian had told her she needed to go see her doctor, but she told him it was just stress and being overwhelmed. Although, for as long as she had been getting sick, she was starting to wonder if it wasn't something else, but she didn't want to worry about anything but Miles, so she just wrote it off.

By early afternoon on Friday, Olivia could tell it was looking like she would be at work a lot longer than she thought she would be or wanted to be. She quickly called Brian when she got a break and let him know he would be on baby duty for a while longer, something Brian didn't mind at all. He was ecstatic to spend as much time as he could with his son.

After getting off the phone with Liv, however, Brian decided that him and Miles were going to go on a little outing. He was tired of sitting at home and Miles liked car rides.

An hour after getting off the phone with Brian, Olivia and the squad, Nick, Amanda, and Fin, were surrounding their crime board, going over victims and going over all the suspects and leads they had so far. Everyone was tired and concentrating was difficult. They all had been at the precinct till 11 the night before. Their morning had started only 7 hours later, at 6 when everyone made their way back to work, trying to solve the case. With Olivia, having to wake up with Miles twice as well and feeling crappy, she had basically gotten no sleep and was running on empty. Well as empty as you could be when you'd had five cups of coffee.

As the team stood around talking, Fin left to use the restroom, returning with a familiar face.

"Brian. What are you doing here?" She asked her boyfriend as he strolled in with Fin, the car seat with Miles in it hanging from his hand.

"We were tired of being at home and someone missed his mommy." Brian told her as he set the car seat on Olivia's desk. "Besides I figured everyone wanted to meet this cute little guy."

It wasn't that Olivia didn't want the squad to meet the baby; she just didn't want to be one of those moms who constantly showed off her child and talked non-stop about their accomplishments. But she was kind of happy that Brian had brought Miles to see her, because she really did miss him while she was stuck with rape victims and rapists all day. She just wanted to see his chubby face and pinch his cheeks and see his huge smile that he always gave her.

"I know I've wanted to meet the handsome little man who's been taking our sergeant away from us." Amanda joked.

"Well since you guys are here, I guess we could use a little break from staring at that board." Olivia gave in.

She unbuckled Miles and picked him up out of the car seat. She held him with his back to her, so that the team could see his adorable face. "Are you going to say hi to everyone, buddy? Yeah, say hi Amanda."

Amanda leaned over slightly, getting down to eye level with Miles. "Hey buddy. Hi!" Amanda said to the baby, who just stared at her, unsure of how to react to the new face. But that didn't stop Amanda from cooing at him and making baby talk, which did cause Miles to crack a smile for the whole group to see.

"There we go." Fin commented.

The whole team spent the next half an hour passing Miles around to one another, talking to him, playing with him, trying to get another smile, which there were plenty of as Miles warmed up to the new crowd. He obviously enjoyed being at the precinct and he really enjoyed all the attention he was getting.

But as the time passed and it got to be late, Miles started to get fussy, as he was getting hungry and he was probably tired.

"Okay, I'll take him." Olivia said as she grabbed Miles from Amanda, who started to whimper. "I know buddy, daddy is going to take you home and get you some dinner and put you to bed. Momma will be home later." Olivia gave the infant a kiss on the forehead and put him back into the car seat, strapping him in tightly.

"Alright let's go big guy." Brian scooped up the car seat off Olivia's desk. "I will see you at home." He told Liv, giving her quick kiss, and leaving the team to get back to work.

"He's really adorable, Liv." Nick said to his boss.

"Adorable doesn't even begin to cover it." Amanda commented.

"I guess he's pretty cute." Olivia smirked. "I think we're going to keep him." She joked. "Now let's get back to work so that we can solve this case and go home."

The squad returned to their board, going back to reviewing everything they already had.

Olivia felt refreshed after seeing Miles. She was happy that the squad finally got to meet him and she could show of her adorable little boy.

_* Author's Note : Just a sweet little chapter, but there is so much more to come in these next few. And thank you for all the nice reviews! *_


	5. Chapter 5

The next week had been a little calmer than the previous one, at both work and home, which Olivia and Brian were grateful for.

Even though Liv and Brian had to go back to work, the week had been slow for both of them. Olivia had one simple open and close case that only took a work day to solve. All of her other days, so far, had been spent on the usual paperwork that now cam with her job as sergeant. And Brian had a few interviews, but no undercover work or cases, so he also spent some time doing paperwork. With easy days at work, both parents were able to come home on time, if not early, each day, picking Miles up from daycare, and getting to spend evenings together like a normal family.

Miles starting daycare had been a hard thing for Olivia to deal with. She knew that, obviously, he had to be somewhere during the work day, but she just couldn't get used to the idea of a complete stranger spending the day taking care of her son. But knowing it couldn't be avoided, no matter how hard she tried, Olivia did as much research as she could about local places and got recommendations from fellow officers who had children. She and Brian ended up choosing a smaller, privately owned daycare. It had come highly recommended online on the all the parent websites Olivia had visited and from some of the other officers she had asked. When the parents had gone to meet some of the staff and take the tour of the facility, Olivia had instantly had a good feeling about leaving Miles there for eight hours a day. And on top of that, it was only a ten minute drive and walking distance from the apartment, as well as fifteen minutes from the precinct.

Olivia had also started a new project for her family. She had taken Miles into see Melinda on Monday and had her take a DNA sample. Olivia wanted to track down Miles birth certificate and the only way she could do that was through DNA. Liv's hope was that one of Miles relatives would be in codas, or even better a mother or father, so that she could cross reference names to recent birth certificates in the New York and hopefully figure out exactly when Miles was born, so they had his birthday. Melinda had told her may take a while, since she had lots of other things, like criminal cases and autopsies, that took precedent, but she would work on it whenever she got the chance.

That was Monday when she had gone to see Melinda, Tuesday had been her single case for the week, and Tuesday and Wednesday had been spent chained to her desk, finishing paperwork and trying to get a head start in the upcoming weeks.

The Friday of that week, Olivia left work an hour early to go to a doctor's appointment. She had to have her annual physical for work.

Olivia also, though, still hadn't shaken whatever sickness she had. She still felt pretty awful in the mornings and wasn't able to eat much. No matter how much she disliked the doctor, she couldn't handle being sick anymore. She needed to be one hundred percent for work and her son.

On top of feeling bad, Brian was all over her to go to the doctor. He was tired of her being sick and knew that something was up, even if Olivia didn't want to admit it. He didn't need his partner to be constantly sick, neither did his son and if she just kept letting it go, whatever it was, was bound to get worse. So finally after much convincing Olivia told him she would bring it up with the doctor while she was there and see what she could tell her.

Liv left the precinct at four getting to her doctor's office half an hour later. She was thankful she had such an understanding doctor that would take her late, later than he normally took patients, to work with her hectic schedule.

Olivia sat in the waiting room for ten minutes, flipping through old magazines, passing the time, before being taken back to an exam room where she waited another ten minutes after the nurse took her blood pressure, heart rate, and collected a urine sample.

While Olivia waited her nerves mounted. She knew whatever had been going that was causing her to be sick was probably nothing, just stress and maybe one of the bugs she had heard was going around. But she had a feeling, that maybe it was something more serious. She certainly hoped there wasn't anything to worry about, though. She had enough on her plate, an illness wasn't going to help matters any.

When the doctor came in, she took a seat on the rolling stool that had been sitting at the computer desk and scooted herself closer to Olivia who sat on the exam table.

"How are you Olivia?" The doctor asked her patient.

"Good, good," Olivia said, sounding not all that convincing.

"So I know you are here for your physical, but you told the nurse you weren't feeling too good otherwise." Her doctor said looking over Olivia's file.

"Umm yeah. I don't think it's any too serious." Olivia said.

"Well, let's not jump to any conclusions. What have your symptoms been?"

"I've been nauseas and dizzy in the morning and I haven't been able to eat much because I'm worried about being able to keep it down. I've also been a little bit more tired than normal." Olivia answered her.

"Okay." The doctor sighed. "Have you had any changes at home or work that could cause stress?"

"Work is always stressful." Olivia chuckled slightly. "I'm sergeant now, so that's just added to the stress. But my boyfriend and I just adopted a baby boy. So that's been an added stress, worthwhile stress, but stressful."

"Well congratulations on both. I'm going to have the nurse come back and take some blood to have tested with your other sample. We'll start there and see what information we can get from those tests."

The doctor walked out of the room and returned with the nurse who brought in a tray with needles and tubes to take her blood. It took about five minutes for the nurse to take the blood and then she left, leaving the doctor and Olivia to be alone again.

"While the lab tests that, we can get started on your physical." The doctor said getting up from the stool.

They were able to finish her whole physical before getting the results of the samples that were tested. Olivia checked with everything necessary for her physical, as usual, t was an easy test and was cleared for another year of work for the NYPD.

As the doctor was finishing up her notes on Olivia's physical, the nurse knocked on the door and stuck her head around to make eye contact with the doctor, who quickly got up and left the room.

The doctor and nurse were outside for at least ten minutes, discussing whatever it was they were discussing, which left Olivia alone in the white room with her thoughts.

Her thoughts that were filled with everything horrible that could possibly be wrong with her. All she could think about was the worst possible diseases or even worse, cancer. She knew didn't know much about her mom or her family and she certainly didn't know anything about her father, which left her with no idea of family history and what illnesses ran in the family. She had always wondered about her genetics, but not for this reason. Now she was scared about what she didn't know.

The doctor reappeared, a new file in hand and sat back down on the stool. This time she didn't scoot quite as close as she had before. Giving Olivia a warning that something wasn't right. It made Liv even more nervous than she already was.

"So the lab tested your samples and I have the results." The doctor started slowly, not wanting to dump too much on Olivia all at once.

"It's bad isn't it?" Olivia questioned her. She knew she shouldn't expect the worst. Dr. Lindstrom always told her not to catastrophize, something she had been working hard on. But in that moment sitting in front of a doctor that could be giving her awful news, she wasn't doing so well with the concept.

"I wouldn't say this was bad. It's going to be a big change, but I definitely don't think it's bad." The doctor rambled slightly.

Olivia took a deep breath, trying to calm herself. "Just tell me what it is. Whatever it is I can handle it." Olivia wasn't actually sure that she could handle whatever was about to be thrown at her, but id she said it out loud maybe she could convince herself she was ready.

"Okay, but before I say anything, just remember you have options. Alright?" The doctor was obviously trying to prolong telling her patient, not knowing what her reaction may be.

"Just spit it out." Olivia was getting agitated.

"Well congratulations, you're pregnant." The doctor said with a slight smile.


	6. Chapter 6

Olivia sat her mouth agape and her eyes wide. She was absolutely speechless and in complete shock. How could this be happening?

She'd had a sneaking suspicion much earlier, nearly six weeks earlier, and the test had come back negative. But that had obviously been wrong. She knew she should have taken more than one test, but she was defeated after the first result and she couldn't make herself. And now here she was getting the shock of her life because she had been a little upset.

"I know this must come as a shock to you." Her doctor said to her.

Olivia moved her mouth to speak, but nothing came out, she was too stunned to even craft a sentence.

"You always have options. You don't have to do this." The doctor was trying to reassure her, but Olivia didn't want to hear it. It was going to help.

"But it was negative." Olivia said quietly.

"You already took a test at home?" The doctor asked.

"Yeah. It was… it was negative." Olivia spoke a little louder.

"How long ago was that Olivia?"

"Umm… six weeks." Olivia mumbled.

"That might explain why it was negative. Sometimes if you aren't far enough along, home tests won't detect the pregnancy." Her doctor explained. "And from your estrogen levels, I would say you're about eight to nine weeks now, so six weeks ago probably would have been too early."

"Are we done?" Olivia was in a hurry to get out of the office. She couldn't sit there any longer, staring at her doctor. She needed to be alone, she needed to be able to think, she needed to be able to process what was going on and she couldn't do that with her worried doctor watching her.

"I guess so. Are you sure you're okay to leave?"

"I'm fine. I just need some time." Olivia said as she got up from the exam table putting on her jacket and grabbing her purse. She was in no mood to discuss anything.

"That's understandable. But before you go, at least let me give you the number of an OB/GYN that's really good." She left the room, Olivia following behind her.

The doctor walked into her office that was across the hall from the exam room. She was in there for a couple minutes, before coming back out and handing Olivia a business card. "I would make an appointment as soon as you can."

"Mmhhm. Thank you." Olivia quickly left, going back through the waiting room and out the door, straight to her car.

As soon as she sat down and closed the door behind her, she let all of her emotions go, her body soon being taken over by sobs. The tears ran down her face, taking some of her make up with them and streaming it down her face. Liv sat for at least ten minutes just trying to compose herself enough to drive.

As she sat, trying to stop the sobs and compose herself, her cell phone went off; informing her she had a new text message.

The message had been from Brian. He was telling her he would be at work a little later than he had expected and wanted to know if she would pick up Miles from daycare. She simply texted him back yes and put her cell phone back into her purse.

The tears had not stopped, but were controlled enough for her to feel like she could begin to drive. So, she placed the keys in the ignition, starting the engine and backing up out of her parking space.

Olivia didn't even remember the drive. She was so preoccupied with the shocking news she had just received, she could thinking of nothing else but the child she had just learned she was expecting. The child she had never thought she would ever have. She never suspected that in her lifetime she would have the opportunity to expiernece pregnancy after the negative test she had taken, yet now here she was pregnant and expecting what would be her second child.

Olivia thought she was the luckiest woman in the world to have been able to adopt Miles and have just one child, just to experience motherhood and everything that would come along with it. But now, it wouldn't just be one child, she wouldn't get the chance to take in motherhood for everything joyful it could offer. She would be experiencing motherhood in a frazzled state because she would be so busy taking care of two infants. And it was something she just wasn't sure she wanted to go through with.

As the thoughts sped through her head, Olivia finally pulled into a parking spot at the daycare. She sat in the car for a few minutes composing herself a little more and trying to wipe off some of the smeared make up that was on her cheeks and under her eyes.

Olivia walked quickly into the daycare. She was greeted by one of the owners who was holding Miles, as if she had been waiting for one of his parents to come through the doors any minute. There were no other children there; all of them had already been picked up. Olivia felt bad for being so late, but she was in no mood to sit and apologize right then, so she said a quick sorry and thank you before leaving as quickly as she had come.

She put Miles into his car seat, the child not making much noise or fussing any. It was like he could sense his mother's bad mood and he didn't want to make anything worse.

But as soon as Olivia had seen his face and held him in her arms on the way to the car, she had calmed down. He had that effect on her and she was grateful for her baby boy. It seemed as though, holding her own son, who she loved and adored, made her realize that she could being having another baby, a baby who could take her mind off anything, who could improve her mood with the slightest grin. She felt more at ease when she thought about all the wonderful things that had come with just two weeks of having Miles and all the things that would soon be coming.

Olivia drove home feeling slightly better than she had before. It was a fifteen minute drive from the daycare to her apartment.

It wasn't until she pulled into the parking garage underneath the apartment that she realized what was coming next.

She was going to have to tell Brian.

Her improved mood disappeared within seconds of the thought crossing her mind. The fear and disbelief she had first felt, returned with a vengeance. How would she ever tell Brian that they were having another child?

He had been relieved when he thought she wasn't pregnant the first time around. And when it had come to Miles, he was hesitant, very hesitant. And although he now loved being a dad, he was not going to go for having another child.

She was back to where she started afraid and too worried to move from the car into the apartment building. Just knowing what her next conversation would be, was enough to make her feel sick to her stomach. It was all too much for her in one day, but there was no way she could keep a secret that big from her boyfriend and the father of her children.

Olivia sat in the car for nearly twenty minutes, not making a single movement. It wasn't until Miles began to get fussy, not liking being trapped in his car seat when the car was no longer in motion that Olivia finally came back to reality. As she slowly came back, she noticed something she had missed when she pulled into the parking spot; Brian's car was there already.

She grabbed her purse from beside her in the passenger seat and got out of the car. She quickly opened the back door and removed the whole car seat, not wanting to take the time to unstrap Miles.

Olivia took as much time as she possibly could, getting up to the apartment. Thinking through how she could possibly bring up the subject with Brian. No matter how she thought about wording it or when she would do it, his reaction was going to be the same. And that reaction was not going to be good. Liv was aware of why Brian felt the way he did, but she didn't think she should have to be this worried about telling her boyfriend something. Especially something that most couples would be celebrating.

When she reached the apartment door, she set Miles down and fished around in her purse for her keys. She found them, unlocking the apartment door and picking up Miles before walking in. As she shut the door behind her, she could smell dinner being made and could see Brian in the kitchen.

"Hey." Brian noticed her as she made her way into the open living room and kitchen.

Olivia didn't say anything in return; instead she set Miles car seat down and unbuckled him, picking him up. She held him close, almost as comfort to herself.

"How was your day?" Brian asked her ignoring the fact that he got no response.

"Fine. Yours?" Olivia was short.

"Long." He responded. Brian moved from the kitchen, around the island that separated them, coming up and taking Miles from Olivia. "How's my boy, today?" He was looking at Miles with a smile on his face, but directed the question towards his girlfriend.

"He's fine." Olivia stated.

Brian moved his eyes from Miles to Olivia, staring at her. "Is everything, okay?" He was beginning to sense the tension coming from her and was unsure of what was causing it.

"Umm." Olivia stumbled. As soon as she tried to speak, the tears that had come and gone earlier reappeared.

"Liv, what's up? What's the matter?" He was confused by her behavior. She always put up a front, she never showed too many emotions, not even with him. So her behavior really threw him for a loop.

She took a deep breath before trying to speak again. "We really need to talk."


	7. Chapter 7

Brian exhaled slowly. He knew the meaning behind those words and he knew that whatever it was Olivia wanted to discuss, it was serious.

"Umm… Okay." Brian walked away from Olivia, into the living room. He put Miles into his bouncy seat and went back to where Liv was still standing. "So what do we need to talk about?"

Olivia took a deep breath. "I don't even know how to say this." Olivia was flustered and Olivia was very rarely flustered. She almost always knew what to say and how to say it. But this subject was something Olivia was not comfortable with.

"Whatever it is, it can't be that bad." Brian said trying to persuade her to get the words out and just tell him what was going on.

"Oh you're going to think it's pretty bad." Olivia spit out.

"You won't know that until you actually tell me." Brian was getting irritated with Olivia's persistent hesitation.

"Oh no. I know you will not be happy about this." Olivia said to him.

Brian heaved a heavy sigh. "Then if it's going to upset me that much, why are you even telling me?" His tone was becoming increasingly more aggravated.

"Well the father of my children should probably know." Olivia huffed.

It took Brian a moment to realize what word Olivia had just used. Children. Had she meant that or was it a mistake? Why would she say children? He was slightly taken aback, confused as to what his girlfriend meant. "What do you mean? We have one kid, Liv."

"Right now we have one kid." Olivia retorted "That won't be the case for that much longer." Olivia knew Brian had picked up on her choice of words, but he still hadn't fully grasped what she was trying to tell him. She was hoping she wouldn't have to say it in so many words. She was hoping that if she gave him enough hints he would figure it out for himself and she wouldn't have to say the words. Those words were difficult and saying them would set her emotions rolling, something she wanted to avoid as much as possible. 

"For Christ's sake, Olivia what are you trying to get at? I'm not going to play a guessing game with you." Brian was angered, now.

"I'm pregnant, Brian." Olivia almost yelled. She was just as annoyed as he was and was in no mood to deal with his anger on top of her already mounting emotions.

Brian just stared at her. He didn't know what to say or quite how to react to such shocking news. He was also confused. Olivia had taken a test, it had been negative, she had been unhappy with the results and he had been relieved. It had been that test that led to their decision to adopt Miles. The test had been wrong and now everything had changed because of a test that wasn't even correct.

Brian ran a hand through his hair and let out an exasperated sigh. "But you took a test and it was negative."

"Well, it was obviously a false negative." Olivia said her voice slightly calmer than it had been a moment earlier.

"How did you even find out? Are you sure that you actually are?" Brian couldn't even say the word. There was so much behind the word pregnant between him and Olivia and just saying it was too much.

Olivia rolled her eyes. "Yes I'm sure. I had my physical today and I'm pretty sure a blood test in a doctor's office is almost one hundred percent accurate. Sorry to disappoint you."

"Well what are we going to do?" Brian asked her. "We can't do this right now."

"What do you mean we can't do this?" Olivia's irritation was growing again.

"We just adopted a baby Olivia, two weeks ago. We both work at least 5 days a week, in jobs that demand a lot physically and mentally. We have no space in the apartment for another kid's room. It's just not meant to be right now." Brian stated matter-of-factly. He was in no way ready to deal with another child and he and Olivia were in no way ready as a couple to bring another child into their world.

"And what do you suggest we do about it Brian?" Olivia glared at her boyfriend.

"We don't have this baby. We can't have this baby. We have options and choices; no one is making us follow through with this, so we don't need to." Brian said it as if there was no question about what the couple was going to do in their new found situation.

Olivia looked at the man standing in front her with absolute disgust. "Are you kidding me, Brian? Seriously?" Olivia yelled, too angry now to control her emotions. "You think that I can just go get an abortion and everything will be okay?"

"Well how else are you planning on resolving this?" His voice rose with anger.

"Resolving? Brian what is there to resolve?! We aren't a couple of teenagers who made a mistake. We are a couple, who already have a child, and a home, and we both have jobs. We have a life together Brian, we can't just justify getting rid of our child, a child we never thought we would have, because we're a little scared or worried." She kept yelling.

"Olivia, we aren't just scared or worried, we weren't meant to have another child. It's not supposed to happen." He said everything like it was exact and it was something he and Olivia had discussed before.

"Who says it isn't supposed to happen? Obviously something was meant to be here, because I'm pregnant." Olivia said stating the fact for Brian, but also for herself.

"Olivia, there isn't even anything to argue you here. I'm not doing this." Brian stated.

Olivia was so beyond angry she could barely stand to look at Brian. She had known this would be a lot to take in, but everything that had just come out of his mouth appalled her so much, she couldn't even think straight. How could he have let himself say those things? She was disgusted.

"You know what great. Don't do it. That's fine. But just because you aren't here, doesn't mean I won't be doing this, because that's one of my options, too, to keep my own child." Her fury present with every word that left her mouth.

"Olivia, think!" He screamed. "You can't do this without me; you certainly can't do this alone. What makes you think everything is going to be okay if you have this baby?"

Before Olivia could yell back or argue her side, the screaming couple was interrupted by different screams, these ones coming from Miles, who was still in his bouncy seat in the living room.

Olivia took that as her queue to leave the argument. She walked into the living room and picked up her crying son. He had obviously felt the tension and his parents screaming certainly didn't help matter any. Olivia tried to soothe him. She was bouncing up and down and rocking him, but he could tell she was upset and that, in turn, made him upset.

Brian walked in after her. "Don't think that we're just done talking about this now. You can't use Miles as an excuse."

His yelling only made Miles even more upset than he already was and Olivia was not amused. "No, we are done. Right now my son needs me. Because that's what parents do, they are there for their kids. They don't just kill them because parenting them might be a little difficult or challenging. That's how it works, Brian."

She turned away from him and walked out of the room. She could no longer stand to be in the same room as someone who was so rude and infuriating and her son needed her and he was the most important thing right now.

Olivia went straight into her bedroom and sat on the bed. She rubbed Miles' back and he soon calmed down, probably because Olivia was calming down just being away from Brian. His cries soon stopped and he just laid in his mom's arms.

While Olivia sat with Miles, she heard Brian outside in the living room. She heard his keys jingle together and heard him open the hall closet to get his jacket. Then finally she heard the door to the apartment slam shut as he left.

Olivia could feel the tears running down her cheeks, before she even realized she was crying. All the emotions she had tried to keep in check while arguing with Brian, were finally taking over and she couldn't help put sob.

She had expected him to be upset, to question whether or not they were ready to have another child, but his reaction was something she never expected. She was completely disgusted with how he had handled himself and how easily he just blew off any opportunity to have two children.

All she had wanted was to discuss everything because she knew he would be freaked out as soon as the words left her mouth. But he was so much more than that and it really hurt her to think that someone she thought she knew and loved could do such a dramatic one eighty when it came to a difficult situation.

Maybe they just weren't meant to be like she had hoped they had been. After the fight they just had, Olivia wasn't sure about anything, any more.

She looked down at the baby in her arms, her son. "It looks like it's just going to be me and you buddy." She gave Miles a kiss on his forehead, the tears still falling, out of sadness and anger.


	8. Chapter 8

Brian had been gone for a whole week. Olivia hadn't heard a word from him, hadn't seen him since their argument when he walked out.

She was slightly upset that he hadn't even reached out to her or asked to see Miles. But she knew that seeing him only would have angered her even more and she was not in any mood to deal with his attitude. Olivia needed some time to herself, to think everything out and decide whether or not she really wanted to do this with Brian.

The problem though, wasn't on her end; it was on Brian's end. She wanted to do this; she knew that no matter what, no matter how prepared they were or how ready they tried to be, it was going to be a challenge having two children under the age of two at home, but she was willing to try. Brian, however, obviously seemed not to be interested in having another child and Olivia wasn't sure that she was willing to do it with him, either, especially if he was going to continue to act like he had. She couldn't force him to want this baby or to work with her through it, he was going to have to do that all that on his own, something she wasn't so sure was even remotely possible.

Her issues with Brian, however, had to be put on the back burner for now. She had so many other things she was dealing with at home and at work that her fighting with Brian would have to wait.

This week alone, Olivia had 3 cases come into SVU at the same time. One of them had been an open and shut, leaving the team only with its paperwork. The other two however had not been as easy. One was dealing with a woman who had shown up in the E.R. with no recollection of what happened to her or who did it; all the squad knew for sure was that she was definitely raped. The other case involved a woman who had been raped by a well-known business executive. The woman in the E.R. eventually did remember a few things and they had been able to collect her attackers DNA from the rape kit and run it through codas. They had found a match and eventually apprehended the perpetrator. The woman and the business executive, however, had been a harder one to solve. By Thursday of that week, the team was still trying to find ways to connect the man to the crime and all of them were exhausted and tired of looking over the same information again and again. By Friday, they had almost given up. None of them wanted to leave the victim without any hope for closure, but no matter how hard they tried, there was just no way to connect the evidence.

Friday, also brought other things to mind. Hoping that the week would have been slow and knowing she couldn't put off any longer, Olivia had scheduled her first appointment with the OB/GYN. She wasn't all too thrilled about going, but it wasn't something she could really avoid.

Nick, Amanda, and Fin had assured her they would take care of everything and see if they couldn't get somewhere with the case. She hadn't told them what was going on and wasn't planning to until it was necessary, so she had told the team she had to pick up Miles and take him to a doctor's appointment.

With everything, hopefully, taken care of at the precinct, Olivia left around three, to go pick up Miles. Her appointment wasn't until four thirty, but if she waited until she was done at the doctor's she would be late picking Miles from daycare and she didn't want to do that. So instead, she would pick him up early, to take him home, feed him, and hope that he falls asleep during the car ride to the doctor's office and stay asleep through her appointment.

When Olivia picked up her son, he was cranky and tired and she could tell that it would be a long ride home. And it was. Miles spent all 20 minutes screaming in the backseat and he did not stop until they finally got into the apartment and Olivia gave him his bottle. When he was finally being fed, he calmed down and the whining stopped.

After Miles finished his bottle and Olivia changed his diaper and dirty clothes, the two got out the door just at four, cutting it a little close for Olivia's liking. But she was soon becoming aware that whatever she wanted wasn't as important as what Miles needed, so her schedule really did revolve around him.

Even though she had been worried about getting to the doctor's on time, they made it with five minutes to spare. It was just barely enough time for Olivia to finish her necessary paperwork, before being called back to an exam room by a nurse in navy blue scrubs.

After the nurse had checked Olivia's blood pressure and pulse and had gone over the forms Olivia had filled out, she left the room, leaving Liv alone, since Miles was fast asleep in his car seat.

Olivia hated how white and sterile the room was, she hated that she had to sit in it alone, and she hated that Brian wasn't there with her. Even though she was still beyond mad at him, this was one of those things they were supposed to experience together. They should have been sitting together in that room, watching, listening and seeing their baby together for the first time, but as far as Olivia was concerned, she didn't even want to be there, let alone be there as a single mom.

Olivia sat for at least ten minutes, thoughts about how different the situation should have been running through her head, before the doctor came in.

She was probably in her early forties, a little younger than Olivia. She had her blonde locks pulled back into a messy ponytail and she was wearing slacks and a button down shirt under her white lab coat. She took a seat in the rolling stool that sat at the computer desk.

"Hi, I'm Dr. Thompson. And you must be Olivia. It's nice to meet you." She reached a hand for Olivia to shake.

"Nice to meet you, too." Olivia said politely, shaking the younger women's hand.

"And who is this little guy?" The doctor was referring to a Miles, who was now awake in his car seat, staring at the unfamiliar face.

"This is Miles." Olivia said looking at her son. She loved introducing him to people. She felt so much pride when she could tell people his name and that he was her son.

"Well aren't you a cutie?" Dr. Thompson smiled at Miles, who in turn smiled back. "Now, Olivia if I could have you get up on the exam table. And I will have to ask you take off your bottoms." The doctor stood up and opened one of the cabinets in the room and took out a thin blanket for Olivia to lay over herself.

When Olivia was changed and situated on the table, Dr. Thompson moved the stool, so she was sitting at the end of the table. "Okay, so there are probably a lot of things you already know since you just had a baby."

Olivia became wide eyed at the doctor's comment. "Oh, no. This is my first pregnancy. Miles was adopted."

The doctor looked slightly embarrassed. "I'm sorry. I just assumed. That was my fault. So then there's a lot for me to explain to you."

With that the doctor started talking about everything. How every time Olivia would come in, she would do a pelvic exam, an ultrasound, and check the baby's heartbeat. As she got further along, she would start measuring her to make sure Olivia and the baby were on track. Dr. Thompson talked about everything they were looking for during ultrasounds and what the heartbeat should sound like as well as what the heart rate should be when they would go through those parts of the appointments.

The whole beginning of the appointment was a blur. Olivia was zoned out, thinking about everything else that was going on and she just couldn't focus on what the doctor was doing or what she was saying.

It wasn't until the Dr. Thompson started to search for the heartbeat. Olivia had felt the monitor being ran across her uncovered abdomen. At first the room had been absolutely silent, but then that changed. Then the whole small room filled with a loud swishing noise that only somewhat resembled the sound of a beating heart.

"There you go. That's the baby's heartbeat." The doctor smiled at Olivia who was obviously distracted by the noise that had just filled her ears.

"Wow." It was all Olivia could get out. It was crazy. With Miles he had been nearly 4 months old when he came home. He was outside in the real world, smiling and laughing, his personality already starting to develop. But with this baby, there was none of that. Nothing had been decided in its' life, everything was new and thrilling.

"It's pretty great." The doctor put away the monitor away and sat back down on the stool. "Now you can get changed into your clothes, but there are a few more things I want to cover."

When Olivia was changed and situated back in the chair that sat in the room, Dr. Thompson began to talk. "So, I'm sure you are aware that because of your age this is a high-risk pregnancy. Everything is looking great right now, you're healthy and the baby is fine. But things change quickly sometimes, so I'm going to want to see you every 3 weeks, instead of every month. And you have to know that if anything feels out of the ordinary, you come see me right away, either here or at the hospital. We can take any chances okay. But for now, everything is great and you can schedule your next appointment." The doctor got up from her seat. "It was nice meeting you again and I will see you in three weeks."

Olivia just nodded smiled slightly at the doctor as she left the room. Liv followed suit and picked Miles' car seat up, walking out of the room, stopping to make herself another appointment, and then she walked to the car. She out Miles seat in the back and got into the driver's seat.

Olivia just sat there for a while. She couldn't turn the car on or leave. She placed a hand on her still flat stomach and the water works started.

The tears were a mixture of sad and happy ones. On one hand she was so happy that she had heard her baby's heart beat and seen it on the black and white ultrasound screen. But she was also so sad that Brian hadn't been there. He didn't get to see his child for the first time or hear its' beating heart.

Olivia had hoped that this appointment would help her to see that this was meant to be and that everything would be okay, but it had done the exact opposite. It had only made her question even more if she could actually do this on her won or at all for that matter.


	9. Chapter 9

It had already been a long night when Olivia woke up that morning. Miles had been fussier than normal and woken up three times during the night, needing to be fed and changed and just wanting to be held by his momma.

So Olivia was exhausted when she had woken up in the morning and she felt as nausea as she ever had in the morning. Her morning sickness had been tolerable, lately, but today is it was worse than usual.

And on top of everything else, Olivia could not have prepared herself for the message she received. It read:

_I'm sorry for what happened. I would really like to talk to you and see Miles. _

And it was from Brian.

Although, Olivia hoped, just a little, that she would hear from Brian, actually hearing from him made her feel differently. She wanted him to see Miles, he was his son, but she wasn't sure she was ready to see him.

It wasn't that Olivia didn't want to work things out, that she didn't want be together, parenting their son and getting ready for the arrival of their second child. But for some reason, Olivia just didn't feel completely sure that it was a possibility or that she wanted to make it happen.

All she kept thinking about was the picture in her head of her complete little family, Brian and herself walking with Miles in his stroller through central park, getting lunch, playing in the park. It was the most cliché thing Olivia had ever heard of, but it was something she had wished she would see one day. Yet with Brian's attitude, it wasn't looking like much of a possibility.

After contemplating for a while, whether or not to text Brian back, Olivia got out of bed, still not answering him.

Thankfully, Miles was still asleep after his last time waking up, so Olivia got in the shower quickly, bringing the baby monitor with her. It was nice to have a few seconds to herself, no crying baby, no messages from angry boyfriends; it was just her and her thoughts.

But the alone time was short lived, when Olivia heard a crying Miles over the baby monitor. She quickly got out of the shower, dried off, and put her pajamas back on.

Miles was kicking and screaming in his crib, his blankets strewn about from him throwing them off of himself with his flailing limbs. When Olivia picked him up, he calmed down slightly, enough that he had stopped kicking, but was still crying. She moved from his room, out to the kitchen and living room. She put the baby in his swing, which only made him angrier, while she went into the kitchen to make him a bottle.

When his bottle was made, Olivia took Miles out of his swing and sat down on the couch with him in her lap, holding his bottle in his mouth while he happily sucked up his meal. As Olivia watched her son, she couldn't help but smile. He made her so happy and she loved him so much. It made her realize that Brian probably really did miss him. Some days she could barely handle leaving him at daycare while she was at work, she couldn't imagine how Brian felt being away from him for ten days. Even though, he had chosen to leave, he didn't deserve to not see his son.

With that, after Miles was fed, Olivia put him back into his to swing and went to the bedroom to grab her phone. She opened up to her messages, as she made her way back into the living room. Before she could rethink it, Olivia texted and sent a message to Brian. It said:

_You can come over tonight to see Miles. We should be home at around 6, so any time after that is fine. _

She didn't want to address his apology or his want to talk to her about what happened. She knew they couldn't avoid it, but she would save it all for when she actually came up later that night.

Because of everything that had happened that morning, Olivia was late for work. Luckily no cases had come in and she had missed nothing but paperwork.

It wasn't like she could have handled a case today anyway. She was so distracted by the thought of seeing Brian that she couldn't think of anything else. She knew she was doing the right thing in letting him see Miles, but she just couldn't prepare herself for having to discuss what had happened. And no matter how she thought about what to say to him, Liv just couldn't imagine talking about the horrible things Brian had said to her, about him leaving, about him not wanting to have his own child.

By the time Olivia had gotten off of work, she was beyond distracted and beyond nervous. She actually felt like she could throw up. She wasn't sure if it was the persistent morning sickness that had turned into afternoon sickness or the thought of talking to the man she had once called her boyfriend, but either way she was feeling awful.

The car ride home after picking up Miles had been quiet; the baby was tired and fallen asleep almost as soon as Olivia had put the car in reverse.

Just like she had thought, they got home right at six. Miles had woken up when Olivia picked him up out of the car seat and carried him up to the apartment. She put him in the swing in the living room, where he sat content, a toy in his hand keeping him distracted. While the baby was preoccupied, Olivia went into her room quickly and changed into jeans and a t-shirt.

As she made her way back into the living room, she heard a knock at the door. The sound made her stomach drop.

Before she could re-think her decision, Olivia made her way to the door and opened it, to reveal Brian. He looked tired and his face was covered in stubble, he looked pretty bad.

"Hey." He said, not making eye contact.

Olivia moved from the middle of the doorway, leaving space for Brian to walk in. "Miles is in his swing in the living room."

Brian just nodded as he made his way into the familiar apartment. He headed straight for his son, who was still in his swing, playing with the plastic toy he had in his hand since they had gotten home. Brian bent down and immediately picked up his son, the baby taking notice and letting go of his toy.

Olivia watched as Brian sat down on the couch, sitting Miles on his lap facing him. The baby was instantly all smiles looking at his dad, who was smiling right back at his five month old son.

Olivia couldn't help but be a little sad that the two had been separated for so long. Brian loved Miles, more than he or Olivia expected he would, and it couldn't have been easy to miss his face for almost two weeks.

Brian sat with Miles, making faces and playing with him, for about ten minutes, before the words Olivia had been expecting to come left Brian's mouth. "I would really like to talk about what happened."

Olivia took a deep breath. "I know you do. But in all honesty what is there to talk about? You made yourself pretty clear the first time."

"Look, I know I was an ass and there's no excuse for my behavior. But I didn't mean anything I said to you." Brian looked up at Olivia who was standing, arms crossed and a scowl on her face.

"If you didn't mean any of it, then you shouldn't have said it Brian. You not meaning it then doesn't mean anything now." Olivia scoffed.

"I know that. I just want you to understand, that I want to work this out. I want to be here for all three of you Liv." Brian pleaded.

Olivia let out a heavy sigh. "That's great, but this isn't something we're going to work out in one night. Brian, you told me you didn't want a child with me, you told me that you weren't doing it. You can't really expect that you coming here and saying you are sorry, is going to clear everything up."

"Then what do you want from me Liv? I want to fix this." Brian sounded desperate, something Olivia had never experienced before.

"I need you to prove to me that you actually want to do this. You see, I don't need you to do this. I'm the one who will be carrying this child, all the decisions that are made regarding him or her, will be up to me. You are just a second party as of right now." Olivia told him. "I think I might be willing to work on this, but you better be damn sure that you want to do this. I'm not going to deny you your right to see Miles, he's your son just as much as he is mine, but this baby, is all mine right now. So I don't want you to decide tonight. I want you to think about this long and hard before you commit to working on this and being a part of your second child's life."

It felt so good to get those things off her chest and tell him how she really felt. She was no willing to give in easily. Brian was going to have to earn back her trust, because whether he liked it or not, children needed parents who truly want them and he needed to decide that he really wanted this before jumping back in.

Before, Brian could reply, Miles began to cry. He could obviously feel the tension in the room and it was getting late, which meant he was probably ready t be fed before he went to be.

Olivia walked up to Brian and took Miles off of his lap. "You are more than welcome to come by and see him or pick him up from daycare. Just let me know. But I need to get him fed and put to bed, so if you don't mind showing yourself out."

It sounded cold as it left her lips, but she wasn't trying to warm and fuzzy.

Brian stood up and headed for the door, as Olivia headed to the kitchen to make a bottle for Miles.

"Thanks for letting me see him." Brian said, giving Olivia a weak smile.

"Uh-huh." Was all Olivia said in response.

With that, Brian left the apartment, shutting door behind him, leaving Olivia and Miles alone in the kitchen.

Olivia let out a deep breath as she walked into the nursery sitting down in the rocking chair. She put the bottle in Miles' mouth and started rocking slightly.

After seeing Brian, Olivia felt even more conflicted. She knew he felt bad, she could see that much was true, but she was still unsure that he was really willing to try and do the whole baby thing with her. It made her more upset, than angry, because she knew that Brian would come back in a heartbeat to her and Miles, even if he didn't want their new child, but she didn't want to make him do that if he wasn't really in it because he wanted to.

With everything, Olivia still was completely unsure as to what was going to happen between her and Brian.


	10. Chapter 10

It had still been three weeks since Olivia and Brian had talked briefly with each other in the apartment and there hadn't been much change in the couple's relationship.

Brian had been over three different times to spend a little father-son time with Miles, but each time Olivia had taken the opportunity to do other things while Miles was preoccupied. She liked having a little time to pick up around the apartment and finish other practical things, but it also gave her an excuse to avoid talking to Brian. Olivia had so many other things going on and she knew that she couldn't avoid him forever, but for now she was dealing with everything else.

At the end of the three weeks, Olivia had gone to her second doctor's appointment, her twelve week appointment. It was somewhat of a milestone because it meant that she had gotten through her whole first trimester. Everything had checked out, the baby was growing and there were no complications that had come up yet. Her doctor had also suggested that since she had gotten past the first weeks, which were the weeks in which most complications arose, that she could begin to tell people about her pregnancy. But that was something Olivia certainly wasn't ready for.

There had been some good that had come out of the weeks though. Melinda had gotten back to Olivia about the results of the DNA search she had done for her. The medical examiner had been able to find a match in the system, a young man who was currently serving a five year sentence at Riker's for robbery. She had cross referenced the name of the man with birth certificates from around the time they thought Miles was born and had found one from December twelfth. Melinda had assured Olivia that with Miles size, weight and his milestones he was meeting the date had to be correct. It was a relief for the mom; she finally knew her own son's birthday, something she wasn't sure she would ever find out.

That was probably the only good thing that had come out of those three weeks. At work Olivia and the squad had been swamped with case after case. Olivia felt like if she wasn't consoling a victim or interrogating a new suspect, she was filling out constant mounds of paperwork. The work never stopped and it had been a lot to deal with. 

And it was becoming harder for her to hide the whole pregnancy from her squad when she was spending hours on hours with them at the precinct. The morning sickness, which really lasted all day, had only become worse, exactly the opposite of how Olivia thought it worked. So when she wasn't dealing with a case, her only worry was trying not to get sick in front of any of her squad members. Her goal was to hide the pregnancy as long as possible because she didn't want to be treated differently. No matter what, Olivia was still the commanding officer and she was in charge, everyone knowing she was expecting was going to change the way everyone acted towards her, and she didn't want to deal with it.

It had been a long Friday, when Olivia finally got back to the apartment. Brian had offered to pick up Miles from daycare and take him home for her. She had been reluctant at first, but when she soon realized that with her crazy work hours she would be really late to pick up her son, she took him up on the offer.

Brian had been thrilled to pick up Miles and get to spend some extra time with him. After picking him up and taking him back to the apartment, Brian fed Miles his dinner and played him for a while, before giving the baby a bath and putting him to bed. By the time the baby was asleep it was nearly eight thirty and Olivia still wasn't home. Brian, knowing he couldn't leave Miles until she was home, sat in the living room watching TV waiting for her to get home.

Olivia had been surprised to see Brian casually sitting in the living room when she got home. She hadn't even thought about the fact that he would have to stay with Miles until she got home.

When Brian had her come in, he quickly turned the TV off and got up from the couch, turning to look at her. "Hey." He said shyly.

"Hey." Olivia said. "How was Miles?"

"He was good. He ate and fell right asleep." Brian informed her.

"Great, great." Olivia just stood behind the couch, letting it separate herself and Brian.

The couple just awkwardly stood facing each other, silence enveloping the room. Neither knew what to say to the other. This was the first time they had been together without Miles and they had no idea how to act around one and other.

"Umm.. So do you think we could talk?" Brian hesitated slightly, scared to bring up the subject.

Olivia just looked at him. She didn't know what to say. She knew they needed to talk, but in all actuality she didn't know what there was to talk about. It was like there was a wall between them ever since they had gotten into their argument.

"I guess so." Olivia sounded completely unsure.

"I just, I can't stand the fighting anymore. I really want to work this out." Brian sounded truly willing to deal with the situation, more willing than Olivia felt.

"You think I like fighting with you Brian? I don't want us to be like this either, Brian." Olivia moved from behind the couch and sat down in one of the seats across from the couch in the living room.

"Do you even think we can work this out?" Brian asked her.

"We've been through a lot Brian and we've always managed to stay together, but I'm just not so sure." Olivia hated having to say that.

"I just want to figure it out. I want to be here for you and Miles and, even though you don't think so, I want to be here for this baby." Brian took a seat back on the couch.

Olivia sighed. "You say that, but how do I know you really mean it? You sat here and told me that there was no way we were going to have a second child. And now you're telling me that you want this? I just don't know, Bri."

"I know I was an ass and my reaction couldn't have been any worse." Brian said.

Olivia chuckled. "That's an understatement. Brian, you told me to have an abortion. I just don't know that I want to make you do this because you feel obligated."

"I'm not doing this because I feel like I have to. I want to do this. The only real reason why I acted the way I did was because I was scared out of my mind. And I know that sounds completely lame, but I just couldn't imagine having another child and I never thought it would happen. I was just getting used to the idea of having Miles at home, and don't get me wrong I love him, but it was crazy to think that we were going to have two, basically, babies at home." Brian told her.

"And you don't think I was scared Brian. Finding out your pregnant is hard enough, but at my age when we've just adopted a baby, I was scared out of my mind. And all I wanted from you was a little compassion, not an argument about getting rid of our child." Olivia poured out.

Brian ran a hand nervously through his hair. "I am so sorry, Liv. You telling everything back to me makes it sound even worse and I couldn't have handled this whole situation any worse. But you have to believe that I would never mean those things. I want this and I want to do this with you, just let me be here. I want everything back to the way it was. We were in such a good place. And I know I'm the one the who screwed it all up, but let's fix this."

Olivia had never seen Brian act this way before. He wasn't a man of many words and he very rarely shared any feelings with Olivia or anybody else. But here he was, basically begging her to let him back into her life. And it's not that she wouldn't love to just go back to the days when they were a happy little family and yet there was a small part of her that just wasn't sure she could ever go back to that.

Olivia took a deep breath. "Okay, fine. I want to try for us and for our kids. But we're going to take this slow. I'm not quite ready to have you back at home with us permanently, but we can go back to a more normal routine. We can start with dinners and regular pick-ups. I don't want to rush in after everything that has happened, but we'll see how all of this goes. But just know, this is no guarantee that we'll be okay."

Brian nodded, a small smile making its way across his face. "Thank you."

"You're welcome. Now it's getting late and I've had a long day, so if you don't mind." Olivia hinted to Brian.

"Oh, yeah. I'll let you get to bed." Brian said walking out of the living room towards the door, grabbing his coat. As he opened the door, he turned around, looking at Olivia. "Thanks, again."

Olivia gave him a slight smile.

With that, Brian left, leaving Olivia alone in the apartment. Her firs instincts were to check on Miles. She made her way into the nursery, careful not to be too loud so she didn't wake him.

As Olivia looked over the edge of the crib, she couldn't help but smile at the sleeping baby. His hands were lifted up in little fists lying above his head and his little tummy rose and fell as he breathed. He was completely peaceful, unaware of the complications within his family.

Olivia still wasn't sure that allowing Brian back into her life was the right thing to do and she wasn't sure that it would even work out. But for Miles sake and their new child's sake, she really hoped that they could make things last.


	11. Chapter 11

So far things had been going well for Brian and Liv. It had only been two weeks, but it was going smoothly.

Brian had been spending evenings at the apartment with Olivia and Miles. He would pick Miles up every other day and bring him home. Some days he cooked if Olivia was late and other days he would occupy Miles while Olivia made dinner. He would always help clean up and give Miles his bath before bedtime and he would say goodnight before leaving for the night.

Olivia was still getting used to having Brian back at home. It was weird having him there after him being gone for nearly five weeks. But she was also realizing how much easier it was to take care of her son when there was an extra pair of hands around. It had been hard doing everything alone, so Brian's help was great.

But she just still wasn't totally sure where they stood in their relationship. She knew that everything was going good. They had a few more discussions about everything that was too come and Brian still seemed completely sure he was in it for the long run. But as far as Olivia was concerned, Olivia was going to believe it when she saw it. For now she was preparing for the worst.

What she wasn't prepared for, was what she walked into on work that Monday. Nothing, would ever prepare her for what was coming.

When Olivia walked into the squad room, there was nothing but silence. Usually a Monday morning was loud, filled with new cases that had come in over the weekend and victims and suspects from those cases. But there was none of that and the tension Olivia felt as she walked in was so thick it could be cut with a knife. It was not a feeling she liked. It gave her a clue that something was very wrong.

Nick was the first to confront her when she walked into the squad room. "Hey Liv." His voice sounded shaky and he was fidgeting as if he were nervous.

"What is it Nick?" Olivia asked him, a confused look covering her face.

The detective let out a loud sigh. "There's something you… Umm you need to listen to."

Olivia was worried by Nick's behavior. He was never short of words and he was almost always sure of himself. It was so unlike him to stutter.

"Okay. What is so important?" Olivia questioned her former partner.

This time Fin, who had been standing with Amanda at his desk, interjected. "Liv, I think you should sit down for this." Fin said cautiously. He knew that what Olivia was about to hear, would cause an awful reaction. He wanted her to understand that what was to come was not good.

Olivia let out an exasperated sigh. "Stop. Whatever it is I'm sure I can handle it. Just let me listen to whatever it is."

Amanda was the one who went over to the phone that sat on the table. The receiver was sitting on the table, facing upwards. Olivia and the other members of her team followed her. "It came in early this morning." She pressed the play button.

"_Good morning, sunshine." _

The voice rang through Olivia's head sending chills down her back. How could he be speaking to her?

"_I'm sure you've missed me. I've missed you. I was thinking it was time for us to get together one last time."_

With those words the line went dead and everyone watch as Olivia stood completely still.

Olivia couldn't even comprehend what was happening. "How?"

"We don't know exactly how, but he escaped two days ago." Nick told his obviously disturbed sergeant.

"H… He… He escaped?" The words barely stumbled out of Olivia's mouth. She was too shocked and scared to even comprehend what was happening.

Fin simply nodded in reply.

Olivia couldn't handle what she had just heard. This man, this disgusting, evil man, he was supposed to be locked up. He was supposed to be in a high security facility, serving his sentence. He was supposed to be watched and monitored, not getting free from Riker's and coming after her. William Lewis was supposed to be forgotten and gone from Olivia's life.

As the sergeant, stood, the whole squad room watching her, she couldn't take it anymore, the voice of her sadistic kidnapper replaying itself through her head. _Good morning sunshine. One move and lights out. I'll do you cold. _

Just the thoughts of that man roaming the streets looking for her, waiting for just the right moment to take her, yet again. But this time, this time she knew that being found alive was almost impossible. Lewis wanted Olivia gone. It would be her last dance with the devil himself.

It was all too much for the seasoned detective turned commanding officer. The thought of everything that would soon be happening overwhelmed her and made her feel physically ill. It made her so sick to her stomach to think about the disgusting things that happened in that man's company, that she had to quickly flee to the bathroom.

She barely made it before losing that morning's coffee and breakfast in the first stall of the restroom. After the first round of vomiting, she shut the door and sat on the floor, her head in her hands and the tears running down her face. It wasn't but 2 minutes before she got sick again. Everything left in her stomach leaving her body.

As she sat alone in that stall, the taste of vomit sitting in her mouth, her mind immediately went to Miles. It was the only thing she could think about. Lewis knew everything, he always did, and he would have to know that Olivia had adopted the baby. That was Olivia's biggest fear. She knew that she ran into some horrible characters on the job and now that she wasn't alone anymore, she worried about everyone going after her young son as a way to get revenge.

But she had forgotten about someone, about the unborn child she was carrying. Her hand went instinctively went to her stomach. In the last couple of weeks she had noticed the changes in her body and the small bump she could now feel and see. The child she was carrying didn't need to be brought into a world filled with satanic serial killers. It wasn't herself she was so worried about; it was protecting her children that matter most now.

Olivia stood up slowly, feeling light headed after being so sick. She made her way out of the stall and stood at the sink, looking at herself in the mirror. Her eyes were red with tears and some of her make-up had been smeared by the crying. She washed her hands and tried to rinse off some of the make-up that had come off.

She slowly made her way out of the bathroom and back into the squad room, where her team was still standing, discussing the matters at hand.

Nick looked up as she walked in, taking notice of the puffy eyes and ruined make-up. He walked up to her. "You okay?" He asked her.

Olivia sniffed a little. "No." Olivia gave him a weak smile. She turned towards the rest of her team. "Do you guys think you can handle this without me? I just don't think I can be here today."

All Olivia wanted was to go pick up her son and spend the day at home with him. She needed to be with the only person who could take her mind off of everything and Miles was that person.

"Of course. Go home Liv. Be with your son and Brian. We'll handle everything here."' Fin assured her.

"But we're putting a protective detail on you until we find Lewis. We aren't taking any chances this time." Nick said, sounding overly protective of his former partner. He knew what Olivia had been through. He had found her in that beach house and he knew what Lewis did to her over those 4 days, those things would be with her forever. Maybe the flashbacks and nightmares would stop, but everything that happened was forever engrained in Olivia's mind.

"I don't need to be babysat." Olivia gave Nick a look that said that's not going to happen.

"Seriously, Liv?" Nick scoffed. "You cannot go home without some protection. He's gotten into your apartment before, what makes you think he won't do it again?"

Olivia sighed, realizing the truth in Nick's statement. Lewis had gotten in before and there would be nothing to stop him from doing it again if Olivia was home alone or even if Brian was home with her.

"Fine. But I don't want anyone in the apartment with us or in the building, just on the doors and out front." Olivia negotiated.

"Alright. But be careful, Liv." Fin agreed for the team. He knew Olivia wouldn't agree to be watched all the time, so whatever she was willing to agree with would have to be good enough for now.

Olivia nodded and made her way out of the precinct. She went straight to her parked car and left, without looking back. She couldn't be surrounded by her team who was almost more afraid than she was. She needed to pick up her son and spend the day with him at home.

Which is exactly what Olivia did. She picked up Miles after leaving the precinct and headed straight home. They got to the apartment right before lunchtime. So she fed Miles, who was now starting to eat more solid food, and then she put him down for his nap.

While Miles napped, Olivia laid down herself. She had been more tired than usual lately and she was going to take advantage of actually having the opportunity to take a nap. But it was short-lived, when an hour into her nap her cellphone, which was sitting on the bedside table, rang.

She was quick to answer not wanting to wake Miles who was still asleep.

"Hello?" She answered, the sleepiness evident in her voice.

_"Hello sergeant Benson." _ The man's voice sent a single chill running down Olivia's back.

Olivia froze, not able to create a sentence. Lewis had a way of stunning her into silence.

_"I hope you're enjoying your day off. I would love to see you. I'm thinking we could meet somewhere. There's a nice old factory that's been abandoned, it would be nice and private. Or maybe I'll pick you up…" _ And then the line went dead.

Olivia set her phone back down on the bedside table and tried to calm herself down. But she her breaths were short and quick and she felt like she couldn't breathe. It was all just too much for her. Everything had just happened with Miles and the new baby and Brian, she wasn't sure she could handle anymore. And Lewis was something Olivia had finally began to come to terms with. He had been put behind bars and he would be there for years. Yet here he was, out and roaming the city looking for his favorite woman, Olivia herself.

Even though Olivia knew that there was the protective detail outside and there were officers at all the entrances, Olivia just didn't feel safe in the apartment. She quickly decided that she would be better off at the precinct with Miles. It was somewhere Lewis would never try to enter, it was too dangerous.

Miles was still asleep when Olivia went into the nursery. She quickly filled his diaper bag with essentials and a few extra changed of clothes, before removing the infant from his crib. Olivia was careful not to disturb him and he stayed asleep as she positioned him in her arms.

Olivia grabbed her coat as she walked out. She had texted Nick to let him know she was coming back. Careful of her surroundings, Liv got in the elevator and made her way to the parking garage.

She got to her car and opened the back door, carefully placing Miles in his car seat. The infant stirred and began to cry as Olivia buckled him in.

"Shh… Shh… I know buddy, Just fifteen minutes okay?" Olivia sighed as she shut the car door.

It wasn't until she turned to open the driver's side door that she noticed him. But by then it was too late. He had a hold of her hair, pulling her head back far enough for her to look up at him.

"We meet again." William Lewis taunted the sergeant as he controlled her with his hold.

Before Olivia could say anything, Lewis took her head and slammed it against the car window so hard that the glass shattered leaving a cut above Olivia's eyebrow and leaving the woman barely conscious.

The man quickly dragged Olivia's limp body past the car to his own vehicle. He threw her into the backseat, taking her gun with him before slamming the door. He quickly got into the driver's seat and sped away from the scene.

All the while, Miles sat in the backseat of Olivia's car his earlier cries turning into loud wails as his mother was taken.

_*Just my take on the episode Beast's Obsession. Hope you liked it!* _


	12. Chapter 12

When Olivia came to, she was back to where it had all started the first time around, duct tape to a chair her mouth also taped shut. Her ankles were bound together, uncomfortably tight to each leg of the chair she sat on.

From what she could tell, she was in large building, something that resembled a warehouse because she sat in a wide-open area with nothing but open space around her. It was cold and there was a silence that enveloped her as she sat unable to move.

At first, she had been unaware of Lewis's presence. Everything had happened so quickly in the parking lot and she didn't remember much. All she knew was that her head was throbbing from being bashed against something or being hit with something, she figured.

The last thing she remembered was buckling Miles into his car seat, which meant that whatever happened after that had led her to wherever she was now sitting and had left Miles alone in the car. Miles was all alone, sitting in his car seat, probably crying for his parents. That had been all Olivia had hoped to avoid, dragging her children into her own problems. She loved her job, but the risks that came with it were seeming so unequal to the reward in that moment.

It was as she sat thinking about her helpless six month old son, that Lewis made his presence known to the immobilized sergeant. "Well, look who's finally up. Did you have a nice nap?" The man placed an emphasis on the word nap, making it sound as if being knocked unconscious was her choice.

Olivia just glared back the evil man, not wanting to talk. Even if her mouth had not been forcibly shut by the duct tape, she wouldn't have said a word the monster.

"Oh that's right. You can't answer me. That's too bad." He chuckled slightly. "But not really.

Lewis had been standing in front of her, but he moved much closer. He was standing face to face with Olivia, staring into her eyes. He stood so close Olivia could feel his hot breath on her cold face.

This man who had taken her for four days, who brutalized her, beat her, drugged her, and left her with flashbacks and nightmares that would forever be engrained in her. He had taken so much from her and left her with so many new challenges that, at certain points in time, Olivia thought she would never be able to move on from. And now the man had taken her once more, but this time it wasn't just about protecting herself. It was about protecting her son, who was sitting in her car, alone and her unborn child.

Lewis caressed her cheek, making Olivia flinch and move away as best she could, the touch of his hands giving her chills.

"Oh no, no, no. You don't get to call the shots. This is my game. I run this." Lewis moved his hand so quickly, Olivia didn't see it coming, until his hand made contact with her face, the slap burning her cheek.

Nick had been worried when Olivia hadn't shown up back at the precinct like she said she was going to. She had texted him and told him that she would feel safer in the company of her fellow officers rather than sitting in her home, a place Lewis, if he tried, could gain access to.

When Olivia wasn't at the precinct within an hour of sending her text message, Nick decided to go check on her. He was hoping that she had just changed her mind or Miles had been fussy. But knowing that Lewis was free caused Nick to expect the worst.

Amanda was worried too. She knew what the man was capable of and she didn't want that happening to Olivia or any other women ever again. When Nick had told her that he was heading to Olivia's apartment to check on her, Amanda decided that she would join him. She would feel better if she knew that everything was okay and Lewis hadn't gotten to Olivia.

Twenty minutes later, Nick and Amanda pulled up to the curb in front of Olivia's apartment complex. They entered the building and went up to the third floor where Liv's apartment was.

They knocked a couple of time, with no answer and neither detective could hear any movement. Nick took out his phone and dialed Olivia's phone twice, with no luck in getting an answer from her.

"Nothing?" Amanda questioned Nick when he hung up the phone the second time.

Nick sighed. "No."

"Maybe she went somewhere else?" Amanda suggested.

"I don't know. It seems weird that she wouldn't come to the precinct if she was that worried about Lewis. Let's go down to the parking garage and see if her car is still here." Nick said as he started walking back towards the elevator, Amanda following quickly behind.

Nick was quick to get off the elevator and head into the parking garage. He walked through the garage, looking for a spot that was marked for Olivia's apartment number or looking for Olivia's car, itself. It was the latter that came up first.

He recognized Olivia's car right away. But it wasn't the car that caught Nick's attention; it was the noises coming from the car that made him curious. The noise was muffled and Nick couldn't quite figure out what it was exactly.

"Do you hear that?" Amanda asked Nick, hearing the same noise as her fellow detective.

"Yeah. It sounds like it's coming from the car." Nick agreed with Amanda.

Unsure of what was making the noise, Nick drew his gun, just in case. He slowly walked up to the driver's side door. Holding his gun firmly in his hand, he grabbed the handle of the door and yanked it open. It had been left unlocked, something Olivia never did. When the door was open, Nick could finally make out what the noise was and could see the source of it.

"Amanda, back seat!" Nick yelled to her.

Amanda put away her gun she had been holding as back up to Nick and opened the back seat door. She was shocked to see Miles sitting in his car seat, waling.

Amanda instantly reached right into the car, unbuckled Miles, and picked up the crying baby. She tried to comfort him as best she could. "It's okay, buddy. Everything is going to be alright."

Nick had come around to her and was standing next to her, watching her struggle to calm the infant.

"Olivia would never leave him car." He thought out loud. "She didn't leave voluntarily."

"Grab the car seat so we can put in the squad car." Amanda said, already walking away from the car.

"Where are you going?" Nick questioned her.

"We have to get back to the precinct and start looking for Liv. We can send CSU here to collect evidence while we're more productive." Amanda said loudly since she was walking away from him.

Back at the precinct, the first thing Nick and Amanda did was call Brian, to let him know what they thought happened to Olivia and so that he could pick up Miles.

While Amanda tried to keep Miles relatively calm, Nick and Fin tried to track Olivia's cellphone. It wasn't on by the time they started tracking it, but they tried to track where the last place was that her phone had gotten a signal.

They were able to track it to somewhere near the port. Which when they thought about it, didn't surprise the detectives. There were plenty of empty building and warehouses that had been abandoned. The problem was, though, there were so many choices for Lewis. So actually finding the building he was holding Olivia in, would not be easy.

"If I take the duct tape off, promise not to scream?" Lewis was once again face to face with his hostage, taunting her. "I want you to be able to have a few last words, before we end this once and for all.

Olivia simply stared at him, still not willing to give him the satisfaction of an answer.

"I'll take that as a yes." Lewis almost laughed at Olivia's defiance. He loved to watch her shut down, to be afraid; it was what he thrived off of.

The ripping off of the duct tape was painful, leaving a stinging pain around Olivia's mouth and tears in her eyes.

Lewis crumpled the tape and threw it on the floor. He moved the gun that he had been holding in his other hand up to Olivia's face, running it down the side of her face, just like he had the time before this.

"You really don't have anything to say? You were so talkative last time." Lewis continued to taunt her.

Olivia was trying as hard as possible not to show too much emotion or shoot of her mouth and make the situation worse. She wasn't taking any chances.

"Well then if you have nothing more to say. I guess we can just end it here." Lewis laughed in her face, before moving the gun to press against Olivia's temple. "But first let's get you untied, I'd prefer we do this standing up."

Lewis untapped and unstrapped Olivia from the chair and pulled her up by gripping her neck right underneath her chin, making her gag.

He stood in front of her holding the gun to her temple and standing tall, reaching above her head, making it seem as though he was looking down on her.

"Good night, Sergeant Benson." William Lewis's sadistic laugh reverberated throughout the building.

Before he could pull the trigger, though, a yell came from behind where Olivia was standing. "Don't do it Lewis!"

The voice belonged to Nick, Olivia would recognize it anywhere. The voice was a glimmer of hope.

Lewis quickly wrapped around Olivia's neck and flipped her around to face Nick who was accompanied by Fin.

"Who's going to stop me boys?" Lewis asked them.

"You don't have to end it like this." This time Fin spoke.

"Oh but boys..." Lewis laughed. "I do."

Nick and Fin took a few steps towards Lewis and Olivia. Both of them had their guns drawn and aimed at Lewis, but the shot was risky when he was holding Benson so close. Neither man wanted to take the chance until they knew for sure that Olivia would not be harmed.

Lewis knew that at this point he was walled in, there wasn't much he could do to escape the gunfire of the officers. The only leverage he had came from Olivia and as long as he had a hold of her, he still had the opportunity to end her.

"Please, please don't do this to us." Olivia pleaded with the man, the first words out of her mouth since they had been in each other's company. But it wasn't until after the words left her mouth that she realized she hadn't only referred to herself, but also the child she was carrying.

Lewis, who never missed a beat, noticed Olivia's mistake. "Us, huh, Olivia? What us are you talking about? It certainly isn't your flakey boyfriend." He taunted her.

Olivia just stared ahead, avoiding eye contact with Fin and Amaro. She didn't want them to find out this way.

"What US Olivia?" Lewis questioned her as he jammed the gun into her temple. Shoving it so hard, her head throbbed.

Olivia just shook her head unwilling to answer.

"Answer me! Or this will be over sooner than you hoped." Lewis screamed.

Nick and Fin took a few more steps, sensing the rising urgency in the situation.

Olivia was absolutely defiant. She had already said too much and she was not going to reveal what she was talking about. It had been a mistake and she did not want Lewis, or Fin and Nick for that matter, to know about her pregnancy.

"Fine. If that's how you want it, then say goodbye Olivia." Lewis told her.

"Don't do it Lewis." Nick warned the criminal.

Lewis just smirked at him. But, shockingly he let up on the pressure of the gun. "If I'm going, she's going."

He was too quick for either detective to react. Lewis, instead of shooting, quickly moved the gun and with all of his strength threw Olivia as hard as he could towards the ground.

She fell to the floor, her head smacking the concrete and bouncing up before going back down. Her whole world went black as the sound of gunshots rang through the building.


	13. Chapter 13

Brian flew through the hospital entrance. Miles, who was in the car seat that hung from his hand, swung with his dad's fast pace.

When he had received the call from Amanda that they had found Olivia and that he needed to meet them at the hospital right away, Brian had been worried out of his mind. Everything awful that could possibly have happened ran through his head. He knew what Lewis was capable of.

Brian had left the precinct where he had gone after the first call from Amanda earlier that afternoon. As he drove to the day care to pick up his son and then driving to the hospital, he could barely hold it together. What if Olivia had been seriously injured again? What if she had been shot? What if, with everything that may have happened in those few hours, Olivia had lost the baby? All the thoughts racing through his mind were almost too much for him to handle.

He had barely pulled it together when he went running into that hospital. And he was even closer to falling apart when he made his way into to the maternity ward waiting room to find Nick, Fin, and Amanda sitting together, all looking distressed and upset.

He immediately went up to Amanda. "Where is she?! What happened?!"

"Hey. I know you're freaked out, but you need to calm down. Okay?" Amanda placed a hand on his shoulder and started him in the eyes. "Alright?"

"Yeah, yeah." Brian nodded his head and took a deep breath. "Have you heard anything?"

This time Fin answered him. "The nurse came out about 20 minutes ago and said that we should know something soon."

"What happened to her?" Brian pleaded for an answer. He didn't want to think about the horrible things that must have happened to his girlfriend, but he had to know.

"He had her in that warehouse. He was holding a gun to her head when we went in." Nick joined in. He wasn't looking at anyone in particular as he spoke, it was too hard to make eye contact when discussing the awful things he had seen. "He was threatening to kill her and we just kept telling him that it didn't have to end this way, there was no need to kill her. So instead he threw on the ground. I can still hear the sound of her head hitting the floor. I've never heard something that made me cringe like that."

Brian just stood between all three members of the squad. He didn't know what to say or how to react.

There was a silence for a while, until Miles became irritated by being stuck in his car seat. Amanda was the first to react to his cries.

"I'll take him for you." Amanda reached out and took the car seat from Brian's hand. She quickly sat the seat down and unbuckled Miles. She was quick to start bouncing him up and down, trying to calm him.

Meanwhile, Brian sat down in one of the seats between Nick and Fin, who had also taken their seats back.

Nick let out a deep breath. "You know, when we were in their, Liv said 'don't do this to us.' Do you… know what she meant?"

Brian looked up at him. He knew exactly what she meant. But he also knew that Olivia was just not ready for the team to know about their second child. Yet he sat there, looking at all of their distraught faces. He knew they cared about her and he knew that felt they were being left out.

He ran his hands through his hair before answering. "I know Liv wanted to tell you herself when she was ready, but umm… She's pregnant. So I'm sure the 'us' she was referring to was her and the baby. "

His statement was met with silence. None of them were expecting that to be the answer.

After a moment of silence passed through, Fin finally spoke. "Hey congratulations man." Fin was always the one to say something first, especially when it came to Olivia. He had been with her for fourteen years and he was always there for her.

There were congratulations from both Amanda and Nick as well.

Everything soon became silent again. Amanda had given Miles back to Brian, who held the baby in his arms, not wanting to let go of him. He was the only comforting thing right then.

All four of them sat in the waiting room for anther forty five minutes before Olivia's doctor finally came out to get Brian. The doctor wasn't Olivia's obstetrician; instead he introduced himself as Dr. Shepard, a neurologist.

Brian followed him down the hallway, away from the waiting room where he had left a now sleeping Miles with Amanda.

When they reached, what Brian assumed was Olivia's room, the doctor stopped outside. "I just want to fill you in, before I let you in there."

Those words made Brian nervous. "Okay."

"As of right now she's completely stable and her vitals look good. She's got a major concussion, as well as some swelling in her brain. For now, we don't feel it's necessary to put her through surgery, so we'll just be keeping a very close eye on the swelling to make sure it doesn't get any worse. Her memory seems to be fully intact, but you can be a better judge of that when you go in to talk to her."

"How long will she have to be here?" Brian asked, knowing Olivia would want to be there for as short a time as possible.

"That all depends on the swelling. If it begins to go down in its own, we can send her home and she'll have to be on strict bed rest for a few weeks. If the swelling doesn't go down within the next few days or it gets worse, we'll have to consider surgery to remove a piece of her skull to relieve the pressure on her brain and then it's hard to say how long she'll need to stay."

"And the baby. What about the baby?" Brian was worried about their child after hearing all the awful things Olivia was going through.

"We had the head OB come down earlier and she was able to find a steady heartbeat. So from what we can tell, the baby was unharmed." Dr. Shepard reassured Brian. "Now, you are welcome to go in there. But just take it slow, she's still a little groggy and she has a migraine that medication can only help so much."

With his last words, the doctor walked away, leaving Brian to enter Olivia's room.

When he walked in, he found Olivia drifting off in her bed. She sat in the middle of the very white room. She was hooked up to a couple monitors and an IV stuck out from her left hand.

At the sound of Brian's footsteps, she slowly opened her eyes. Just from the way she opened her eyes, Brian could tell she was feeling week and her head was hurting her quite badly.

"Hey, how are you feeling?" Brian walked up to the side her bed.

"My head is killing me." Olivia replied quietly.

"I would imagine it is." Brian grabbed her hand, giving it a squeeze, almost as if to assure Olivia he was there.

They were still not completely back together. Brian spent most of his time at the apartment and he had basically moved back in, but he and Olivia had never officially come to the conclusion that they were back together. But now with everything that was happening, Brian just hoped Olivia would let him be there for her to help her.

"Can I get you anything?" Brian asked Liv.

"Where's Miles?" It didn't surprise him that her son was her main concern, even if she was confined to a bed.

"He's out in the waiting room with Amanda, Fin, and Nick." Brian answered her.

Olivia groaned slightly. "Everyone is here?"

Brian chuckled. "You really thought they were going to leave you here without knowing you were okay?"

"I guess not." Olivia said. "Why don't you go tell them I'm fine and get Miles so I can see him."

"Are you sure you're up for seeing him?" Brian didn't want to overwhelm Olivia.

"Of course I am." Olivia told him.

"Okay, I'll be right back." Brian let go of her hand, but gave her a quick peck on the forehead before walking out of the room, leaving Olivia to close her eyes again, the lights in the room only making her headache worse.

About ten minutes later, Brian came back in, this time carrying Miles, who was now, somewhat, awake again.

Olivia opened her eyes back up to see the little boy lying against his dad's shoulder, his eyes only half open, still sleepy.

"Hey buddy." Olivia cooed at the baby.

Brian carefully pulled the chair that sat in the corner, up to the side of the bed and sat down, Miles still lying against him.

Olivia reached her hand out to stroke his hair. The baby let out a big yawn, as his mom comforted him.

"Let me see him." Olivia said reaching out her hands.

"Are you sure?" Brian asked her.

"Yes I'm sure. I just want to hold him." Olivia pleaded.

Brian got up from the chair and handed the baby to Liv, who laid him on her chest and torso. The baby just lay quietly, drifting off to sleep as Olivia rubbed his back.

Her head was still killing her, but she was so thankful to have the opportunity to hold her son against her. Just a few hours earlier she had thought she may never get to see Miles or Brian again and she wanted to savor the moments with her son.

Brian sat back down in the chair and watched as Olivia stared at her baby, watching him breath as he fell asleep. Soon enough, Brian watched Olivia shut her eyes, falling asleep as well.

The dad and boyfriend just took in the scene that lay out in front of him on the hospital bed. This is what he didn't want to miss; these were the moments he would always remember. And just by being there, with Olivia and Miles, he felt like they were back to being their small family that would soon being growing just a little bit bigger.


	14. Chapter 14

It had been a long and draining three weeks since Olivia had been face to face with William Lewis once again. It had been 21 days since she had seen her life flash before her eyes and she was finally returning to work.

After four days in the hospital, the swelling in her brain had improved enough that she was able to go home without having to go through major surgery, but she was given strict rules to be on bed rest for the following two weeks. Something Olivia was not fond of, but she knew she would have to do it if she ever wanted to get back to work in a somewhat timely manner.

It had been a grueling two weeks for the whole Benson – Cassidy household. Olivia felt awful when she first got home, she had been throwing up because of her still ongoing morning sickness and because of her concussion. And the headache she had could only be helped with medication so much, because she couldn't have the full strength medications that were normally prescribed due to her pregnancy. So she had to toughen it out, which she did, because Olivia Benson was not a complainer. Brian, however, was acting as if she was dying, treating her like a sick child instead of a police officer who had been to hell and back and could handle more pain than most people. He was constantly calling to check in on her and when he was home every five minutes the bedroom door was opening with the sound of Brian's voice asking her if she needed anything and besides him leaving her alone and the ability to get out of bed, there was nothing she needed from him.

By the end of the 14 days, Olivia could not have been happier to go to all of her follow up doctor appointments to get herself cleared for work again. She wanted nothing more than to be back at the precinct and back to her normal schedule.

Her first appointment had been with Dr. Shepard, the neurologist, to make sure the swelling had gone down completely and that her concussion was healed to the extent he wanted before he would allow her back to work. Both checked out perfectly fine, thrilling Olivia.

Liv also had to go back to her OB to check on the baby. Nothing had changed and from all the tests and ultrasounds ran at the hospital during her stay, Olivia had been told that it seemed there was no harm done to her second child. But just as a precautionary measure, her own doctor wanted to see her. That appointment had also gone just as planned, and Olivia and Brian, who insisted on going with her, were assured that the baby was perfectly fine and was completely unaffected. The couple had also been informed that at their next appointment, when Olivia was twenty weeks, they would be able to find out the gender of the baby. Something Brian and Liv had already decided they would be doing.

With everything clear, Olivia was set to return the following Monday. She just wasn't aware that she would be returning to such chaos.

When she walked into the familiar setting on Monday morning, everything appeared to be normal. Nick and Fin were at their desk, filling out paperwork, typing, and talking on the phone, the usual things. Amada however wasn't there. When she had asked Fin where his partner was, he told her she had pulled a double shift the previous day and night, so she was getting some rest before she was planning on returning to the precinct later that day.

Olivia hadn't questioned the missing detective, until later in the day when she received a call from IAB concerning Amanda and her mysterious behavior. And what she was told was not good.

Somehow Amanda had gotten herself involved in an illegal gambling ring, Olivia had some idea how that had happened, and they were being investigated by vice when the detective became involved. She had been recruited by the Vice UC as a helping hand. But Olivia was more than aware of Amanda's past and she knew that Rollins getting involved with an undercover operation that was surrounded by gambling had not been some kind of accident. And she was not happy, to say the least.

When Amanda returned that afternoon, she knew what was coming was not good. She was well aware that her sergeant had been informed of her actions and she knew that she was going to be madder than hell.

And she was right, before she couldn't even take off her jacket, Olivia opened the door to her office. "Rollins, in here now."

Rollins reluctantly made her way into the commanding officers office, knowing the wrath that was soon to come her way.

"Look, I know this looks bad." Amanda started.

But she was quickly cut off by Olivia. "Looks bad?" She asked her. Amanda this is bad and I know it's bad. You and I both know how this all started."

Amanda gave her a knowing look, not actually saying anything.

"I just do not understand what you were doing. How could you risk your job like that?!" Olivia scolded her. "You know what is at stake with your problem, yet you don't even seem to worry about it."

Amanda sighed. "I know and I'm sorry."

"Sorry is not good enough, Amanda." Olivia told her. "I don't have to time to babysit you guys and deal with all of your problems. I have plenty on my own plate and there is plenty going on this unit, I don't need your addiction getting in the way of that."

Amanda looked away from her superior, gritting her teeth in order to keep her mouth shut. She didn't want to say anything that would make things worse.

"It's like I'm the mother of a group of teenagers who can't control themselves and can't be trusted." Olivia shook her head at the younger detectives.

It wasn't that Olivia didn't like her squad or thought they were incompetent, it was the exact opposite. She knew they were good people and good detectives. They had plenty of successful cases. But lately, with Munch and Cragen gone, everything was out of sync and almost falling apart within the lives of the team. All Olivia wanted was for the personal lives of her squad to stay personal and she wanted to be their mentor when it came to the job, not a therapist when it came to personal mistakes.

"You know if we weren't short staffed already, I would have you transferred. Today." Olivia informed her.

"Amanda looked up at her, the slightest of tears in her eyes. "I guess, I probably deserve that."

Before Olivia could get another word in edge wise, a man came walking through the door to her office that had been closed. He was a big man, lots of combed back hair, and a husky face covered in facial hair.

"Sergeant Benson?" He asked Olivia reaching out a hand to shake.

Olivia stared at him with a confused expression on her face. "Yes. What can I do for you?"

"Declan Murphy." The man introduced himself. "Didn't One PP call you?"

Olivia still had the confused look on her face as he spoke. "No, I never got a call."

"Figures they would neglect to tell you." The man commented.

"What exactly was I supposed to be told?" Olivia asked him.

"They were supposed to let you know that I'm here to take over your unit as the temporary commanding officer." The burly man informed Liv.

"Excuse me?" Olivia was shocked by the announcement from the man. How could she not have been informed that she was being demoted from her position?

"Look, you've been through a lot lately and you've got a lot coming up, One PP thought it would be best if you stuck to just being sergeant of the squad and let someone else take over everything else." Murphy explained to her.

Olivia was irritated by what she had just been told. She knew that One PP was aware of her trials with Lewis and they she was seeking outside help to deal with it. And she was sure that by now they had probably gotten wind of her pregnancy, but this was Badass Benson they were talking about. Nothing could stop her and she felt betrayed by being removed from her commanding officer position. Just because things had changed personally for her, didn't mean Olivia didn't feel she could handle her job. Her job was what she knew and where she felt comfortable, nothing could take that from her.

"So you're telling me that you're taking over my job, as of right now?" Olivia scoffed slightly as the words left her mouth.

"Well it sounds bad when you say it like that. I'm just here to lighten your load and help out. You'll still be running most things, since you are the special victim's expert, but I'm here so you don't have to do it alone."

Olivia just rolled her eyes and nodded her head. "Well, let me get out of your way then and you can get settled in your office. Wouldn't want to be in the way. I'll be heading home now." Olivia grabbed her jacket from the coat rack that sat in the corner near the door.

Without hesitating, she walked right through the squad room without stopping. She went straight to the elevator and down to the first floor, exiting the precinct. She went to her car and got in, before finally taking a deep breath. Liv was pissed, but she knew that arguing the decision of IAB and One PP would do her no good, so she was going to deal with whatever they were going to throw at her and worry about her own problems.

As Olivia drove home, the more she thought about it. Maybe it would be helpful not to be running the squad all on her own. At some point she was going to have to go on maternity leave and there were days when she really just didn't feel like going into work and maybe this would mean she could have a few days to herself without feeling guilty.

It wasn't so much that she wasn't going to be CO, it was the more the fact that she had been taken away from the job without any input. Olivia didn't like things that weren't her idea, but she was going to take it and deal with it and use it for whatever benefit she could get out of it.


	15. Chapter 15

It had been three weeks of adjustment for the SVU team and they were just starting to get back into a rhythm.

Olivia still had a lot of say and control over the team. She was the one who had been there for fifteen years and Murphy trusted her to handle the details within the cases and keep the squad in line. But when it came to the paperwork and dealing with other units, Murphy took care of it. And as far as Olivia was concerned, it was actually quite nice to be just sergeant, not having to run every aspect of the unit by herself with no help.

She was still mad that her job had been taken out from underneath her with no warning, but she was starting to realize that not having to spend hours and hours at the precinct was a nice change from her previously rapid and long schedule. She was still spending at least eight full hours a day interviewing, finishing paperwork, or visiting crime scenes, but that still left her with more hours at home with Brian and Miles than she had before.

The rest of the team also reacted well to Murphy, somewhat. Olivia had learned later that Murphy had been the one to save Amanda from losing her job because of the gambling ring. He had been her undercover contact, so they worked well together and Amanda respected him. For Nick, the transition had been a little harder. He and Declan Murphy had gotten off to a rough start after getting into a fight with him while trying to protect Amanda. Murphy dismissed their passed and Nick was trying to be the bigger person, but they were still getting used to the idea of one another. Fin of course, could really care less about who his lieutenant was as long as they let him do his job and as long as Olivia was still with the team, whatever happened didn't bother him.

There were plenty of adjustments at home for Olivia too. One of the biggest ones was moving out of their apartment yet again.

The apartment was spacious enough in every way but bedrooms. The kitchen, living room, and dining room were plenty big enough for a family of four, but two bedrooms was not enough. Miles and his brother or sister could not share a room. By the time the baby was born, Miles would hopefully be sleeping through the night and his parents couldn't risk his sibling waking him up whenever the new little one started crying. And as far as Olivia was concerned, it just wasn't fair to make siblings share a room. So with much discussion, her and Brian had decided that they would need to find a three bedroom apartment that was located near where they already were. But that was something they figured they had a few more weeks to decide before needing to make a final decision. Olivia, did however, want to finalize the move sooner rather than later, so that she could still be of help before she was too big and awkward to be able to help Brian move boxes and put things away.

The more important adjustment would be referring to the baby as a he or she now, instead of it. Olivia had finally reached the halfway point of her pregnancy and the point in which they could find out the sex of the baby, so that had been on Liv's mind more than anything else in the past week.

The day of Olivia's ultrasound appointment, she had been able to get the whole day off and Brian got the afternoon off, so that both of them could be there. Brian refused to miss the ultrasound that would tell them the gender of their second child. He had missed the first one, which was probably the second most important appointment, and he was not going to be absent again, no matter how much Tucker was all over him for missing hours at the precinct.

Olivia spent the morning with Miles, feeding him his breakfast and then going on a jog through the park with him in the stroller. It was nice to have some time to herself, even with a little less responsibility with the unit, it didn't mean she wasn't still a little too busy for running and working out. When Liv came back to the apartment, she fed Miles, and then put him down for his nap. When he was asleep, Olivia got in the shower and finished getting ready before Miles woke up. By the time she was ready and eating her own lunch, Brian had come home.

Olivia could tell Brian was excited about their appointment. And Brian could tell Olivia was a little nervous about the afternoon's events. But he knew that when they were finally told, she would be a little less nervous and more excited, as he was.

The appointment was at three o'clock and by the time Miles woke up and he was changed and dressed, the family was able to leave at two thirty giving them plenty of time to load themselves into the car and make it the doctor's office.

As they sat in the waiting room, Miles sat on his dad's lap smiling and giggling while Brian made faces at him. Olivia, however, sat in her chair staring off blankly towards one of the blank walls in front of her. She was fidgeting with her hands, as well, another sign of her nerves. She wasn't really nervous, but she had a feeling that finding out the gender of the baby would make everything a bit more real than it already was and she wasn't sure how much that would change things for her.

As the couple sat with their son in the waiting room, a nurse in dark blue scrubs came out from the office and called Olivia back.

When they were back in the all-white exam room, the same nurse took Olivia's blood pressure and updated Olivia's chart with some new information about how she was feeling.

It was only about five minutes before the doctor came in. Dr. Thompson sat down in her usual spot on the rolling stool and made her way to sit next to Olivia who was already laying the exam table, her bare stomach exposed. That had been the biggest change in last three weeks; Olivia went from looking like she may have gained a few pounds to actually having a baby bump. There was no denying that she was expecting now, but she didn't mind it. Now she felt like instead of looking fat, she just looked pregnant.

"So it looks like you are all ready for me to start." Dr. Thompson noticed. "So let's get started."

The doctor got up from the stool, moving it back to where she found it. She went to one of the cabinets in the room and got the ultrasound gel out to use.

Before starting she got the screen situated so that both Brian and Olivia could see it from where they were. "Now, do you guys want to know the gender?"

"Please." Olivia answered, keeping it short to hurry the process up. As she lay on the table, she became more excited and she just wanted to find out.

"Okay, well as long as we get some cooperation from the baby's side, we should be able to find out." Dr. Thompson told them.

The doctor spent about five minutes, running the wand across Olivia's stomach. She pointed out different features that were developing to the parents as she went. Which Brian enjoyed, Olivia however didn't care as much about growth as she did what was coming.

"Alright, it looks like they're cooperating." Dr. Thompson was focused on the screen.

Olivia took a deep breath and turned to look at Brian, who had Miles on his lap again. He was all smiles, just as excited, if not more excited than Olivia.

"There we go." Both parents turned their heads towards the doctor. "I can tell you guys that you will definitely be having a little girl."

Brian broke out into a huge smile. He was ecstatic. It wasn't that he didn't absolutely love Miles, because he did, but he had always pictured himself having a daughter and now he was going to have one.

It was funny how much Brian's idea of the whole situation had changed. He had been so against having another child, a child that was biologically his, nut now he couldn't have been more happy to be having a daughter and he was thrilled that he already had a son. It made him feel terrible about how he had treated Olivia and what he had said to her, but he was trying to put that behind both of them and finding out the sex of the baby made him feel like he was even more committed.

"Do you hear that buddy?" Brian looked down at his son in his lap. "You're going to have a little sister."

Miles let out a small squeal at his father's words, as if he understood what he was saying and he too was excited to have a little sister.

Olivia watched the two boys, still a little stunned. She had feeling that it would be a girl, but she was so excited to have it confirmed. Now she would have a son and a daughter. She liked the idea of getting to experience everything with both a boy and girl.

A little girl. It was slightly surreal for Olivia. No matter how many times she thought about it, it still gave her butterflies to thing that she would have two kids. She had spent almost all of her adult years, thinking she would never have children and now she would have a son and a daughter.

The doctor finished up the appointment and made sure Olivia had no questions before sending the small family out with pictures of their newest member.

When the family returned home that afternoon, Olivia and Brian sat in the living room watching Miles play with his favorite toys on the floor in front of them.

Olivia had her head leaned against Brian's shoulder as they both watched the TV. Brian reached a hand over and placed it on Olivia's small bump. It took Olivia by surprise. He had only felt her stomach twice when the baby had first kicked and that was only because Liv had told him to, this was the first time he put his hand against her stomach just because.

"Can you believe we're having a daughter?" Brian asked Olivia.

"Not really. It's so weird that we can refer to her as a she now instead of it. Everything is just so real now." Olivia told him.

Brian sighed. "It makes it real in a good way though. Now we can start thinking of names."

"We can." Olivia agreed. "But first we need to find an apartment and get ourselves moved." Olivia was all for having a name decided before the baby was born, but being moved into a bigger home was more important right now."

"Yes we do need to do that." Brian agreed. "But tonight, we're not going to worry about that. Tonight we're going to enjoy our son and celebrate our new little girl."


	16. Chapter 16

_*Hope you guys enjoy the special guest in this chapter.*_

As the weeks passed, Olivia and Brian's lives only got more hectic and chaotic than they already had been. Something that surprised both of them, seeing as they didn't think life could get any busier.

Olivia had thought that Declan Murphy taking over as lieutenant would relieve some of her duties, but she had been wrong. Just because she wasn't sitting in the office, didn't mean she wasn't still running the team. Although, Murphy was an experienced officer, he had not a clue what to do with the special victims unit and on top of his new job, he was still finishing up his final cases in vice, so he was spending a few days a week with his old team. With Murphy's lack of leadership within the squad, Olivia was still acting as commanding officer and sergeant, on top of still acting as an active detective when it came to cases. She was doing just as much as she had been before Murphy came into the squad, the only difference was, she had the ability to leave early if she wanted to because she didn't have to babysit the team as long as Murphy was there. But because Olivia was Olivia, she still felt obligated to spend the time at the precinct when it was necessary.

Brian's schedule was also changing with IAB. He was starting to go undercover more often. He was spending at least three days a week undercover for Internal Affairs, if not more, and a few days at the office interviewing and doing paperwork. But he was able to have three whole days off every time he came back from a UC operation, which was more than Olivia had. So whenever he had the days off he would spend them with Miles at home.

Olivia was a little jealous of the extra time Brian was getting with Miles. She loved that he was able to fit in some quality time with his son alone, before their daughter came along, but Liv wished she had the same time. She didn't want to miss everything happening with Miles when she was at work and then miss again when his sister came along.

Miles was growing quickly though. He was fully mobile when it came to crawling and he was easily amused crawling around the apartment discovering new things in his home. He was also, starting to pull himself up on things, an indication that he would soon be walking, something that excited and worried Olivia. She was excited to see her first child take his first steps, a huge milestone, but she knew it mean that he would be even more mobile than he already was and that would make watching him more daunting.

But first and for most, Brian and Olivia were working on finding a bigger apartment. They had put in offers at a couple different buildings and they were just hoping that they would hear back soon, so they could get themselves moved in plenty of time before the baby came. But while they waited and whenever they actually had time, they were slowly packing things up that weren't necessary and they could live without until they were able to place themselves in a larger apartment.

With everything that was going Olivia was starting to become overwhelmed, more overwhelmed than she had ever been before. She was trying her best to hide her anxiety, but Brian could see the changes in her. She was always discussing things with him that she was obviously worried about. It seemed like, all the changes that were heading the family's way were starting to settle in and she was questioning whether or not they were truly ready for what was coming in the very near future.

Brian tried his best to help out with Olivia's extra worries. Whenever he was at home during his time off, he would try to pack what he could and look for places for his family to move. He would try to cook dinner, with the very few recipes he was capable of, as often as he could and did some laundry. He knew that even the littlest things would help take some of her added stress away.

As a part of his plan to help her, Brian had set up a special dinner for his girlfriend.

He knew how much all the changes in her squad had affected Olivia. Much was gone, Cragen was gone, she was in charge, Amanda was gambling again, and Nick was having relationship issues. And everything had fallen on Olivia's shoulder's, so as a way to treat her, he had set up a dinner with someone Olivia really needed to see.

It had been hard to convince her to even go out, in the first place. She always felt guilty leaving the squad when they were in the middle of a case. But with much convincing, Brian had talked her into dinner, telling her she deserved a little time to herself with her family.

It was a Friday night that Brian had planned. He was off work completely after being undercover and Olivia left work early, so she had time to get ready when she got home.

Olivia walked through the door of the apartment, exhausted from a day on interrogations that had led the team no closer to catching the perpetrator in their most current case.

Liv headed straight for the bedroom after greeting Brian and Miles who were playing in the living room. She quickly changed out of her work clothes and into something slightly more comfortable, her new maternity jeans, a loose chiffon blouse and pair of flats. Now that Olivia was twenty six weeks pregnant, she could no longer wear her regular clothes that she had been wearing up until about three weeks ago. The changes in her body were very evident and her bump was visible no matter what she wore and the size change was starting to affect Liv. Her feet were always slightly swollen now when she got home from work and she had a slight ache that persisted throughout the day in her back.

After finishing changing and getting ready, Olivia made her way back into the living where Brian was waiting with Miles, who had been changed and fed by his dad while his mom got ready.

"You all ready to go?" Brian asked his girlfriend.

"I think so." Olivia smiled at her to favorite boys.

"Great, then let's get going." Brian walked behind Olivia to the door. He was excited for Olivia to see the actual reason they were going out to dinner.

They got to the restaurant at six. Olivia carried Miles in while Brian carried his diaper bag. Brian was hoping their guest would already be there.

When they walked in, Brian immediately noticed the man from behind and he led Olivia to the table he was already occupying.

"Brian where are you going?" Olivia asked him, confused as to why he was headed straight for a table.

But Brian didn't answer he just kept walking and Olivia just kept following, still not understanding where they were going.

Brian got to the table first and tapped he man on the shoulders. Olivia watched as she came up next to him. She had only seen the back of the man's head from where the direction he had been sitting and it wasn't until she came up next to Brian and the man turned to look at her that she realized who it was.

"Cragen." It was her first instinct to refer to the man by his last name, the name that had been associated with him for all fifteen years he had been her superior.

Olivia was too shocked by seeing her former lieutenant to form a sentence or a greeting. The last thing she expected was to see Donald Cragen for dinner. He had left to tour the world for six months with his girlfriend and wasn't really sure she would ever get the chance to see him again.

"Hi Liv." He said to her, a smile on his face as he looked at his former detective. Cragen looked from her to the baby in her arms and then down to her obvious baby bump.

Brian took Miles from Olivia and pulled out a chair for her as the group sat down at their table.

Cragen spoke first. "So it looks like a few things have changed since I left."

"More than a few." Olivia chuckled.

"I can see that." Cragen nodded towards Olivia's belly where here had absentmindedly rested.

Olivia looked down and smiled slightly. "I guess some of them are more obvious than others."

As they sat at the table, they spent the time talking about everything that was happening. Olivia filled Cragen in on all of her personal changes, the changes within the command of the squad, and the squad's own personal changes.

The night went quick as they all caught up with one another. When Miles started getting fussy, Brian left the table to walk around with him and left Olivia and Cragen alone to talk to each other for a while.

"I'm glad you're taking care of yourself Liv." He told her. "You deserve all of this."

Olivia smiled at him. When he had left his office on the last day he would be known as her captain, he had asked her if she wanted some advice about running the unit and all he had told her was "To take care of herself." Cragen had dedicated his whole life to his job and he had watched Olivia slowly do the same thing. He told her suggested that she needed to do what would make her happy and do whatever she wanted to do with her life outside of the office while she had the time.

"Thank you." Olivia sighed. "It's been a lot to take on, but you were right. Sometimes you have to take care of yourself and I'm glad I listened to you."

Cragen gave her a smile. "So do you guys know what you're having?"

Olivia looked down at her stomach, where her hand was resting once again, something that had just newly become a habit. "It's a girl."

Cragen laughed a little bit. "Just what the world needs, another Olivia Benson."

Liv just laughed with him. He made a good point.

Before their conversation could go any further, Brian came back over with a now sleeping Miles held against him.

Olivia and Cragen looked up at him. "I guess we should get him home." Olivia said.

"You guys should." Cragen assured them. "But thank you guys for the nice evening."

Olivia stood up from her seat and pushed in her chair. "No, thank you. It was great seeing you."

Cragen just nodded with a smile on his face and hugged Olivia. He was happy that he had been able to see her again and to be able to see all the changes she was going through, to see that she was taking his advice.

When the family had gotten back home, Brian put Miles into his crib, while Olivia got ready for bed.

Brian walked into the bedroom to find Olivia already changed into her pajamas and lying in bed, ready to fall asleep. Brian himself headed to the dresser to pull out his pajamas.

"Hey." Olivia said to him and he turned around to look at her. "Thank you for setting this up for us. I really appreciate it."

Brian nodded. "Of course." He said as he walked over to where she laid in bed and gave her a kiss.


	17. Chapter 17

When Olivia went into work that morning that last thing she expected was to be dealing with a situation that hit so close to home.

Her morning had been just like any other morning. She had gotten up, showered, gotten dressed and got Miles, while Brian got ready. She had fed her son, changed him, and gotten him dressed for daycare. Brian left at the same time Olivia left. She had dropped Miles off at daycare at 7:45 and made it back to the precinct by 8:00.

The precinct was normal as usual. Nick and Amanda were working on their most recent case and Fin was filling out paperwork. Declan was in his office, or what had been Olivia's office, drinking his coffee and talking to someone on the phone.

Besides, watching over Amanda and Nick as they worked on their most recent serial rapist case, Olivia had basically an open morning. She actually had a few minutes to herself to drink her coffee and check her email. Everything at work, and especially at home had been so hectic in the last month, she never got the chance to stop.

The family had finally made the move to a bigger apartment. It wasn't too huge a change; it wasn't that much larger than their old one. It had the extra bedroom, a slightly bigger kitchen and master bedroom, and one more bathroom in between what would be the kids' bedrooms. But now they had the ability to get everything ready for their daughter and get everything situated in their own room and Miles' room. There was quite a bit to get done, before their family of three became a family of four.

Dr. Thompson had also advised Olivia to start taking it easier at work. She knew that Olivia wasn't one to slow down, no matter who told her she needed to, but the doctor had warned her patient that with Olivia's age, she was already considered high-risk, so by going overboard at work there was a multitude of complications that could arise and none of them would be good. The agreement was for now, that if Olivia took it easy she wouldn't have to go on maternity leave before the baby was born, but not giving one hundred present at work was hard for Liv. So actually having downtime at work made her feel less guilty for not being able to do everything at work like she always had.

But, although Olivia would never admit it, she was starting to find that she wasn't totally capable of keeping up with her work load like she had been before. At seven and a half months pregnant, she was starting to really feel the changes in her body and how much they were taking a toll on her. She hadn't shared it with anyone, not even Brian, but she was slowly noticing the swelling in her feet that caused them to ache and some days she would have a persistent ache in her lower back that made her incredibly uncomfortable no matter how she stood or sat. As hard as she tried not to let it bother her, she was also noticing the lack of energy she had. She ended each day a little more tired than the last.

As the day progressed, there was still nothing new in SVU. No cases that required attention meant a day of reviewing case files and finishing paperwork, neither of which were exciting for any of the detectives, but they kept them busy.

While she was reading over an old case file, Liv heard the phone ring in Murphy's office. She didn't pay any attention to him, as he stood up from his seat when he got off the phone and made his way to her desk out in the squad room.

He cleared his throat to get the sergeant's attention. She looked up at him standing above her. "Can I talk to you in my office, Olivia?"

"Umm.. sure." Olivia answered, unsure of why her boss wanted to talk to her. She slowly got out of her seat, her baby bump slowing her down.

When they were in his office with the door closed, Murphy spoke first. "Have you heard from your son's daycare?"

Olivia looked at him confused by the question. "Umm no. Should I have?" She didn't understand why he was asking her a question about her son and his daycare.

"Well there's been a situation there." Murphy told her, sounding hesitant to tell the mom about what was happening.

Olivia's heart started to race a little. "What do you mean a situation?" She couldn't comprehend what was going on. What could possibly be happening at her baby's daycare that was so urgent and called for the attention of her commanding officer?

Murphy sighed. "Maybe you should sit down?" He knew that Olivia's reaction would not be good and he understood added stress wasn't good for her either.

"I don't need to sit down." Olivia told him sternly. "What is going on?" She demanded to know what was happening that involved her son.

Murphy let out a deep breath before saying the next words. "There's a hostage situation."

Olivia stared at him in disbelief. Had she heard him correctly? There was a hostage situation at a daycare? She couldn't believe and didn't want to believe that her son was in danger.

She had been in plenty of hostage situations and witnessed plenty of them she knew what could happen in a short period of time and she knew how badly they could end. How was it that her son, an innocent 9 month old, had ended up at the hands of a dangerous stranger?

"What… what do you mean a hostage situation?" Olivia could barely utter the words.

"I know it sounds bad." Declan said to her. "But we already have the building surrounded and the negotiator has been sent over. Everyone will get out of this, Olivia."

Olivia let out a large sigh before sitting down on the couch that sat in the office. Her head was spinning, figuratively with awful thoughts and literally as she was starting to feel light headed and slightly nauseas at the thought of her poor baby boy being trapped in a hostile situation that was life-threatening. It was all too much for her.

As she felt even more sick, Olivia laid her head in her hands and took a few deep breaths, trying to ease her light headedness and her nausea that was threatening to cause a trip to the bathroom.

Declan watched as the women's demeanor changed. "Olivia? Are you okay?" He was truly worried about her. He knew that she was going to be upset, but Murphy had only seen Olivia's tough and unaffected demeanor, so seeing her almost distraught made him feel uneasy.

She looked up at him. The last thing she wanted was to fall apart in front of her commanding officer. She wanted to be respected by her fellow officers, but it was too hard to keep herself together at that moment. And even though she really cared about what people thought, her son would always be more important.

"Would you be okay right now, knowing that you may never see your child again?" Olivia asked him. "No I'm not okay."

Olivia let out another deep breath. She felt bad snapping at Murphy, but the last thing she wanted was someone asking her if she was okay when it was obvious she wasn't.

"I'm sorry." Olivia looked up at Declan.

"Hey don't apologize. You have every right to be on edge." Murphy assured her.

Before either one of them could say anything else to one and other. The phone in the office rang again. While Murphy answered and talked to whoever was on the other line, Liv looked out in to the squad room at her team. They were all standing around, watching the office. They were detectives; their job was to notice changes, so it didn't surprise her that they noticed the tension in their commanding officer's office.

While Olivia stared out at the squad room, Murphy hung up the phone and came back over to where Olivia was sitting on his couch.

Olivia turned to look at him, she could tell whatever that phone call was about, it hadn't been good. His shoulders where slightly hunched and the expression on his face didn't assure like it had before, now it only made her more panicked.

"Who was that?" Olivia asked him; even though she had a feeling she didn't want the answer.

"It was one of the officers from the scene." Declan was hesitant in telling her.

"What happened?" Olivia's voice was shaky as she asked the impending question.

Before he even opened his mouth or uttered a word, Olivia could tell what she was about to be told would not be anything she really wanted to hear. Murphy was avoiding eye contact with her now and he had started to pace slightly. It was obvious he was calculating the best way to drop whatever bomb he had just been told.

"Whatever it is, would please just tell me?" Olivia pressured him.

"There were gunshots in the building and the SWAT team was sent in." Murphy sat down next to Olivia, leaving some space between himself and Olivia. "They don't know who fired them or where they came from in the building, but they'll let us know when they have more information."

"So you're telling me that somebody or somebodies could be lying dead in that building?" Olivia felt the tears began to form in her eyes.

Murphy looked up at her and straight into her eyes. "Yes."

Olivia breaths shortened and her heart raced. There were gunshots fired in a building where not only her son, but other people's sons and daughters were in there. And there was the possibility that some of them may not be alive.

It was the last thoughts running through her head, that brought back her nausea and instead of passing slowly, it made itself known, sending Olivia flying from the couch, out of the office and through the squad room, where her team watched their sergeant in rare form, to the bathroom to lose her breakfast and lunch.


	18. Chapter 18

Olivia slowly made her way from the bathroom, she was less nauseas but the light headedness had only gotten worse. She could only make it from the bathroom to her desk, barely able to hold herself up. She sat down at her desk, slowly, inhaling and exhaling deeply, her head still spinning.

The squad watched their sergeant as she entered the room. It was obvious that she felt horrible and she was pale and shaking slightly. None of them knew exactly what was going on, yet, but they were well aware that whatever was eating at their boss was not good.

Nick was the first to come up to his partner. He was the most concerned. He had spent enough time with Liv to know when she was falling apart. Without hesitation he walked up to where she sat in her rolling chair. "Liv?"

She looked up at him, but she said nothing. She didn't need to; the tears that were welling up in her eyes said it all.

Nick stepped away from her, grabbing his own desk chair and sitting down across from his partner. "I know you don't want to hear me tell you this. But you have to know that whatever is happening, everything is going to be okay. You've been through everything bad that could possibly happen, whatever this is; it isn't going to end badly."

"I wish you were right." Olivia said quietly. Those were the words every cop told a victim. But no matter how many times she told people those exact words, when the tables were turned and she was the one listening to the reassurance, she couldn't believe them. It wasn't that she didn't trust him or that he wasn't absolutely sincere, but when her child was sitting in a building, miles away where he was being saved by a SWAT team, she couldn't believe anything that was positive.

Nick didn't know what to say to his partner. He knew she was too stubborn to listen to anything he had to say and when he didn't know what was going on exactly, he felt bad giving her false hope.

The squad sat silently for a while. Olivia was trying to hold it together, not actually allowing the tears to fall. Fin and Amanda sat whispering to each other about what was going on. And Nick was still sitting with Olivia, he hadn't said anymore but he didn't want to leave Olivia.

While they were sitting there, a familiar face ran into the precinct. He headed straight to Olivia.

"Brian." Olivia said as he ran up to her.

"What happened? Are you okay? Murphy called me and said that something happened. Is everything okay with the baby?" Brian was frantic. After being called by Murphy he had left his own precinct without saying a word to anyone, including Tucker, and headed straight to the one six.

All Murphy had told the dad was that something had happened that he didn't want to talk about over the phone and that Brian should get to the precinct as soon as possible. The worst thoughts had been running through his head as he made it to the precinct. He figured that something happened to Liv or that some complication had arisen with the baby.

"I'm fine." Liv told her worried boyfriend. "It's… it's Miles." She could barely get the last words out of her mouth. His name was so hard to say when she knew what was happening to him.

"What happened to Miles?" Brian asked her the tone of his voice changing dramatically as he realized the severity of the situation.

Murphy had made his way out of the office and was now standing among the rest of his detectives. "Detective Cassidy, can I speak with you?"

"Umm… yeah." He answered the commanding officer. He moved from where he was standing next Liv and followed Murphy away into his office.

The squad went back to its previous silence as Brian was filled in. The last thing Olivia wanted was for Brian to have to hear the awful things she already knew. She was well aware that his reaction would not be a good one. He loved his son more than anything just as Olivia did, and he was going to be wreck when he heard that their son might be in danger.

Before long, Brian reentered the squad room and went straight back to Olivia. Nick moved from his seat and offered it to Brian. The man quickly sat, nodding a quick thank you to his girlfriend's partner.

He scooted closer to Olivia and took both of her hands into his own. "Hey. Look I know you aren't going to believe me, but he's going to be fine." He looked her right in the eyes when he said those last words. "I'm sure nothing happened to him and nothing is going to happen."

Olivia looked at him she didn't know what to say. There was something different about him saying those words compared to Nick earlier. When Brian told her those things he made her feel like he was right, that nothing happened to their precious son.

"I just need to know that he's okay." Olivia told Brian.

"I know, I want to know too." He squeezed her hands.

An hour passed with the team still standing around the squad room. There had been very little conversation among everyone and the tension in the room only built as the time passed.

Olivia and Brian had been sitting with one another until Olivia had to get up and walk around. The Braxton – Hicks contraction she had just recently started experiencing, were acting up as she sat around, stagnant. Brian had gotten up and walked with her. They didn't go far, just outside the squad room to pace the hallway until they subsided. Olivia was annoyed by them. She hated that she was focusing on herself instead of being with everyone else waiting for whatever news they would possibly get, but Brian had insisted that there wasn't anything she could do and if she couldn't concentrate because the Braxton – Hicks, there would be even less she could do.

While the couple paced and Olivia's contractions were finally starting to subside, the rest of the squad came charging through the door of the squad room, all of them dawning their Kevlar vests and gun holstered to their hips.

"What's going on?" Olivia asked them, worried by seeing her team ready for action.

"We just got a call from the scene." Declan told her. "They asked us to come and help."

Olivia started to move toward the squad room. "I'm coming with you."

"No you're not." Murphy said sternly. "It's too dangerous for you to be there. Your Kevlar vest doesn't fit anymore and there is no need to put both of your lives at risk, too."

Brian jumped in before Olivia could object. "He's right Liv. You don't need to go. We'll wait here and they can call as soon as they know what's going on."

"Fine." Olivia huffed. "Now go and I would really appreciate if you brought my son back with you."

It seemed like the longest two hours of Brian and Olivia's life. They had gone back to sit in the squad room with one another for a while after Olivia's contractions slowed down, but that didn't last long before they started up again. Olivia figured it was from all the sitting and the stress of the day. They were really starting to irritate her though. And as time went on they were only getting stronger which worried Olivia.

After a little more time, Olivia had to get up to walk around, but soon the Braxton – Hicks were getting a little too strong for Olivia's liking and she had a feeling that something might be up. They weren't feeling the same as they had before and they were more intense, not painful but more uncomfortable.

Brian watched as Olivia sat down on one of the benches that sat in the hallway. He could tell by the change in her demeanor that something was wrong.

"Bri." There was a slight quiver in her voice. "I think something might be wrong." She let out a deep breath.

"Do you want to go to the hospital? I mean do you think it's that bad?" Brian asked her, concerned by her behavior. Liv hated the hospital and doctors but if she was willing to go anyway, she was really worried about what was happening.

Olivia inhaled sharply before she could answer. That was answer enough for Brian. "Okay. Here." Brian gave Olivia a hand and helped her out of her chair.

They made their way to the elevator down to the main floor, exiting the precinct and heading straight for Brian's car that was parked out front.

The drive was tense. Olivia was so distracted by her contractions she had almost forgotten why she had been stuck in the squad room in the first place. She felt awful forgetting about her son, but as soon as she would think about him, she would have another contraction and she would be back to thinking about her daughter, who was also possibly in danger.

They made it to the hospital within ten minutes and they were taken to a room right away. They were lucky enough that Dr. Thompson was in the hospital with another patient, so she was able to come and check on Olivia.

The doctor and her nurse were able to hook Olivia up to a few monitors the check on the baby and Dr. Thompson did an ultrasound to make sure the baby was fin and she checked her heartbeat as well. Everything checked out okay, which made Olivia feel better, but Dr. Thompson wanted Olivia to stay so they could monitor her contractions an see if they were really contractions or still Braxton – Hicks, because if she was really in labor, then issues would arise.

While Olivia lay in the hospital bed, thinking now only about her son, because she knew her daughter was safe, Brian got a phone call.

"It's Amanda." Brian told her as he looked at the caller ID.

"Go answer it!" Olivia said.

"Okay, I'll be right back." Brian got up from his chair and left the room.

Brian was gone for maybe five minutes before he came back in. He sat back down in his seat and looked at Olivia who was watching him.

"What did she say?" Olivia asked him.

A smile broke out on his face. "They got everyone out of the building and Miles is fine. Amanda said they would bring him here now."

Olivia let out a deep breath. She had never felt more relieved. She had figured that with how everything always ended, that it wouldn't end up that both her son and daughter would be okay. But she was incredibly happy to be wrong.

Later that evening the whole family was back at home safe and sound. Miles was held in his mother's arms fast asleep, but Olivia didn't want to put him down, she couldn't let him go. She wanted him safe in her own hands for a little while longer.

Olivia had been cleared by Dr. Thompson to go home, but she was to stay home and take it easy for a few days and let her body recover from the overly stressful day she had. Olivia hadn't argued at all with her doctor, because being home meant that she could spend a few much needed days with Miles.


	19. Chapter 19

Ever since Miles had been held hostage at the daycare, scaring his parents into thinking they may never see him again, Olivia and Brian had been cherishing their time with him. They did everything they could think of with him whenever they had the any extra time.

Because of the scare with the baby, Olivia had been forced to take a week off, which hadn't been the worst thing that had happened to her. That had been the beginning of time spent with Miles. She had taken him to the park every afternoon and had gone to the zoo with him one morning. Liv had really enjoyed being able to enjoy quality time with her son before her daughter was born and she would be distracted by a newborn.

The idea of having a newborn had been something that was on her mind for a while and she had brought up in her therapy appointment a month after she had gone back to work.

"What's bothering you, Olivia?" Dr. Lindstrom asked her while she sat across from him in his office. He had brought up the topic of her kids and he had noticed the change in her demeanor.

"It's just…" She hesitated. "You said kids and I still haven't gotten used to the idea of having two kids at home."

"I thought you had always wanted children?" He questioned her.

Olivia let out a sigh before answering. "I did and I do, but it just scares me to have two, basically, babies at one time. And I'm just feeling really guilty."

Dr. Lindstrom looked at her. "Guilty about what?"

"Everything." Olivia told him. "I still feel guilty about the whole Lewis situation. But mostly I feel guilty about what I'm doing to Miles. I wanted a child so badly and I'm so happy to have Miles, but now there's this baby and I don't want him to feel like he was just the second choice when we didn't think we were having a child of our own."

Dr. Lindstrom didn't say anything, he didn't want to interrupt Olivia when she was opening up to him about what was bothering her. He just nodded slightly, gesturing for her to continue.

"And then when we bring the baby home, I don't want him to feel neglected. I know it's hard to have a newborn in the house and I know that Brian and I are going to be busy taking care of her. I just don't want him to feel like we don't care." Olivia finished.

It felt good getting those thoughts off her mind. She didn't want to tell Brian about because she didn't want him thinking she was having second thoughts or that she was re-thinking everything they had decided. But she needed to explain to somebody what she was feeling. It really did scare her to think she would have two children under the age of two at home at once and she was just worried that she would get overwhelmed and miss out on everything. There were so many milestones that her kids would be meeting in the first few years of their life and the last thing Liv wanted was to be too busy to see them happen.

"It's a completely valid concern." Dr. Lindstrom assured her. "But I think you are being too hard on yourself. Miles is only barely a year old, all he asks from you and Brian is that you love him and give him attention. It's matter of making the time for both of them, something I'm sure you are more than capable of."

"I know we're capable of it, I just worry we'll get all caught up in everything that is happening and not realize what we're missing." Olivia admitted.

"Olivia, you have wanted to be a mom for so long. I can't imagine that you won't be there for both of your children. You just can't put the pressure on yourself to be the perfect parent." He said.

"I don't want to be perfect." Olivia informed him. "I just want to be good enough."

"I think you feel you have to be good enough because you don't want to be like your own mother." Dr. Lindstrom knew all about Olivia's mother and her struggle with alcoholism. He was well aware that she had spent most of Olivia's childhood drinking herself into an incoherent state and he knew that it had been the eventual cause of her death. He understood how much Olivia had loved her mother, but had despised her for her behavior and lack of parenting. But Liv had ended up the furthest thing from her mother.

Olivia looked at him, realizing the validity of his statement. "It's hard not to end up like someone you spent a quarter of your life with them."

"Olivia, you have to know that you are nothing like your mother. You have spent your whole life catching criminals, saving children from situations similar to yours. You will never be your mother." Dr. Lindstrom knew that Olivia struggled with the idea of becoming her mom, she had before her children and it had only gotten worse after she became a mom.

They ended their session discussing the topic of William Lewis, something that was less of a bother, still a problem, but less now that the man was gone. After finishing up, Olivia left to go pick up Miles and go home to spend the night with him and Brian.

After picking her son up from daycare, Olivia stopped at the grocery to pick up a few things for dinner and headed back to the apartment. When they got home, Liv started on dinner, while Miles played in the living room.

Miles had grown a lot in the last month and Olivia loved watching him change. He was starting to look more like a toddler and less like a baby. He was one happy kid, too, always smiling and giggling. He had gotten to the point where he could pull himself up on things and was able to stand on his own. He had a toy that with wheels that was just the right height for him to push around and it kept him up while he walked. But Olivia and Brian both knew that he wasn't far from walking on his own, in fact they both were expecting it any day now.

After Olivia finished preparing dinner and it was in the oven cooking, she went into the living room where Miles was holding himself up against the coffee table playing with one of his favorite books that had the pages with different textures on it for him to feel.

Carefully and slowly as her baby bump at 34 weeks was starting to me become more of a baby mountain and making it hard for her to move in certain ways, Olivia sat down on the floor next to him.

Miles looked over at his mom and smiles. He put his book down and dropped to the ground, crawling over to where she sat on the floor. Olivia shifted herself so she sat on her knees with her feet underneath her. She picked Miles up and stood him a couple of feet away from her.

Her and Brian had been doing this for the last week every night to try and get him to take a couple of steps. So far they had had no luck, instead Miles would just stand for a while before dropping to the floor and crawling to whatever parent was watching him. Miles thought it was just a fun game.

But tonight was different. This time Miles stood there for a while his mom watched him. "Can you walk to me, buddy?" Olivia asked arms out, reaching for him.

Miles smiled slightly, before he started to move. The little boy was unsteady as he picked up his right foot and set it in front of his left. He wobbled slightly as he picked up his left and set it in front of the right. Olivia watched in awe as he took two more wobbly steps, before he fell to the ground, giggling at himself.

"Miles!" Olivia said to her son who was sitting on the ground still staring at her. "You did it, buddy!"

Olivia had watched Miles grow so quickly. Crawling had been one thing, standing had been another, but taking his first steps had been the by far the best thing Olivia had ever seen. She had never felt so proud. It made her so happy to watch her son walk for the first time.

"Yay." Olivia clapped for Miles, who imitated her and clapped for himself, something he had just learned to do.

While Miles and Olivia sat in the living room, Brian came through the front door after a long day at work, and hung his coat up in the hall closet. He walked in to the house and stood at the edge of the living room by the couch.

"Hi daddy." Olivia greeted him.

Brian smiled. "How are you guys tonight?"

"We are so good. Aren't we Miles?" The little boy smiled in reply to hearing his name.

Olivia moved to pick up Miles and stand him up in front of her, facing him towards Brian across the room. "Are you going to show daddy?" Olivia asked the little boy as she let go of him and let him stand on his own.

"What are you going to show me?" Brian asked his son, leaning down so he was squatting at his level.

Miles took his time, standing and staring at his dad for a while before making his first move. He wobbled, again, as he took his first step and then another and another. He made it a total of six steps before falling again.

Brian sat, his mouth agape, watching his son walk for the first time. He was shocked. His day had been long and bad and the last thing he expected to come home to was his son walking. It made everything that had happened earlier that day mean nothing. It made him realize how much he loved his family and how much they meant to him. It made his day to watch his son meet such a huge milestone.

"That's so awesome, bud!" Brian moved and picked up his son. The baby smiled in his arms as his dad beamed with pride at his little boy.

Olivia watched her two favorite boys, it was a moment she would never forget. No matter how scared or worried she was about having two babies in the house soon, it was moments like this that made her just as excited.


End file.
